Boost Your Self-Worth

A Guide Inspired by Dr. Christina Hibbert’s This Is How We Grow

Hey there, beautiful! It’s time to elevate your sense of self-worth. Rest assured, whenever I encourage you to take action, I always provide practical steps. Firstly, I drew inspiration for this post from Dr. Christina Hibbert’s book, This Is How We Grow. She makes a fascinating differentiation between self-esteem and self-love, and I am here for it. She defines self-esteem as our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about ourselves and self-worth as an unshakable understanding that we are valuable, lovable, essential to this life, and of immeasurable worth. She believes that we can have “high self-esteem,” meaning that we can acknowledge our skills, yet still not be entirely convinced of our lovability and worth. When I read that I felt like she was ‘strumming my pain with her fingers and singing my life with her words’, to quote Roberta Flack and Lauryn Hill. That made so much sense to me, because I was always clear that I was smart and able to rack up accolades, but I did not always feel valuable and worthy. So to say this resonated with me was an understatement.

As if my mind was not blown enough, she went on to talk about the fact that self-esteem can’t be sustained or even be effective if we do not have a sense of self-worth. So her whole vibe is, let’s stop worrying about self-esteem and let’s look at self-worth. She created a pyramid for achieving self-worth and names the key elements of self-worth as self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-love. So let’s get into it and you know me there will be a smidge of humor, a dash of sass, and whole lot of concrete ways to increase our self-worth so that we can increase our mental fitness.

1. Self-Awareness: Reflect and Shine

Let’s begin at the beginning. In order to be self-aware you have to be willing to see yourself for who you really are – the good, the bad, and the ugly. And who amongst us does not have some ugly tucked away in the back of our closets? So it’s nothing to be ashamed of, own it. Do you like to cuss like a sailor? Own it. Or maybe you sneakily like to watch other peoples’ calamity. Own it. The point is not to judge yourself but to really know yourself. And not just your social self, the self we present to world, it’s important to know your essential self. The one that probably never sees the light of day but is who you really are deep down inside. Listen, you will never see this but I suck my tongue when I am falling asleep. I don’t care if you judge me, it soothes me and it is what I do. Self-awareness is knowing all the pieces that make you, you. Your strengths, your areas of growth, your talents, your skills, your abilities, your mistakes, the things that you can’t do but wish you could (Is singing on your list? It’s on mine but it remains a wish.), and the things you have zero interest in ever learning (Fishing, if I never learned how to fish it would still be too soon). The goal of self-awareness is seeing the whole picture—flaws, fabulousness, and all.

If the thought of this causes you to break out in hives, take a deep breath and consider some of these activities.

Practical Ways to Boost Your Self-Awareness:

• Journal: Grab a notebook and jot down your daily experiences. Reflect on what made you feel like a boss and where you stumbled a bit. Notice what energizes you and what depletes you. Pay attention to what inspires you and what completely turns you off. Observe how you show up when you are in an environment where you feel safe and how you show up when you feel like you will be judged. This practice helps you see patterns and understand yourself better over time. To be sure this is not a one time thing, and you may be more comfortable doing voice memos than writing in a book, so do what feels authentic to you. But if the word journal makes you roll your eyes, hold on.
• Mindfulness Moments: Take a few minutes each day for mindfulness meditation. Picture yourself as calm and centered, floating in a sea of serenity. This helps you tune into your inner wisdom and as I have said before it is good for your physical health. But its purpose here would be to help you get back in touch with your essential self, if you have been wearing armors and masks to keep your self safe from the biting judgement of others. Mindfulness moments can help you to act instead of reacting and remind you of who you were before your social self took over.
• Feedback: Ask your trusted circle for their insights. Please note I said trusted circle. I mean people who will tell you the truth in a loving and kind way. There are those who believe that honesty has to be brutal. Don’t ask them unless you are a masochist. In a safe environment, people who love you might be able to tell you things you hadn’t noticed about yourself. Be open to their feedback—it’s like a personal growth gift. My partner tells me I talk really loud. To me its not at all loud, but as a former teacher I can see how what I consider normal volume could be jarring to others.
• Strengths & Weaknesses Inventory: Make a list of your top five strengths and weaknesses. Think of it as taking stock of your superpowers and the areas you want to improve. If you are having a hard time with it, there are lots of tools out there to help you. These are a few free ones that I have found helpful and they are all inexpensive: The Gallup Strengths Finder, the MBTI, and the Hermann Brain Dominance Instrument.

2. Self-Acceptance: Embrace Your Whole Self

When you become truly familiar with your self it’s time to accept all your parts. Yes the cellulite and soft belly need acceptance too. And that body part that you think isn’t your best body part, it needs acceptance too. And those mistakes you made, they need acceptance too. Because accepting the pieces that you aren’t the most proud of, means you aren’t discounting any of your parts that make you, you; and owning that you don’t need to be perfect, you just need to be your best you. Listen this one is deeply resonant for me cause I remember hating my dark skin, my full nose and my full lips when I was younger and by doing the work I am suggesting below, ya girl’s favorite lipsticks are now two bold colors by The Lip Bar – Bawse Lady and Rich Auntie. It didn’t happen overnight but over time I learned to love all of me. Does that mean I don’t still try to get rid of the muffin top, heck nah. I love me and I want to be my healthiest me and I know that muffin top could increase my health risk factors. So here are some things that work for me.

Steps to Foster Self-Acceptance:

• Affirmations: Write down positive affirmations and repeat them daily. Think of them as your personal pep talks. “I am worthy of love and respect,” or “I embrace my true self.” Start with the ones you actually believe. So for me I started with I am smart, I am capable, I am responsible. And then every week I would add in a new or different one until I believed it.
• Gratitude: Each day, jot down at least three things you’re grateful for, proud of or happy about. Maybe it’s your resilience, your sense of humor, or your ability to whip up a delicious meal. But the goal is at least three to start and then every week try increasing it by one. So week 1 – 3 at least three things, and then in week 4 it becomes 4, week 5 – 5 and so on. If you stick with it, it becomes your habit.
• Forgiveness: Reflect on past mistakes and practice self-forgiveness. Remember, we all have our moments, but they don’t define us. My therapist once told me that if I wasn’t making mistakes I wasn’t trying anything new. That was so freeing. So now I don’t try to be perfect, I try to be brave enough to try new things, and if I make a mistake I don’t bemoan it. I count it as a learning experience, and move on.
• Therapy: Consider seeking a therapist who can guide you through self-acceptance. Think of them as your personal coach in this journey. Listen, I already introduced you all to my therapist, so you know I believe in therapy. I know some folks are afraid of it, if that’s you a coach can also help. Shameless plug, guess who is an amazing coach?

3. Self-Love: The Ultimate Love Affair

The third and final component is self-love! This is where you treat yourself like the gem you are. Self-love means nurturing and caring for yourself, being kind to yourself, and allowing love to flow in and out of your life. And if you are unsure about this remember that gems are formed under pressure and aren’t always flawless. E.g. did you know that rubies are generally rarer than most diamonds? But because more people want diamonds, diamonds are generally more expensive. Let that sit in your spirit for a minute.

Curate Your Self-Love:

• Self-Care Rituals: Create a self-care routine that makes you feel pampered and cherished. This could be a luxurious bath, a quiet evening with a good book, or a fun dance session in your living room. But do something that feeds your soul every day. Yes I said every single day. It doesn’t have to be something extravagant. E.g. I wake up everyday, do a meditation, drink my ginger, lemon, turmeric tea and stand out in my patio garden and soak up some sun to start my day.
• Compassionate Chatter: Pay attention to your self-talk. Think of the youngest person that you love. If you wouldn’t say, or allow anyone else to say the negative things you say about yourself to that person, then erase it from your script. Instead get a picture of yourself as a child and imagine the most loving person in your life talking to you as a child, and talk and think about yourself in that way.
• Set Clear Boundaries: Ok so this one is hard if you are not good at this, so you may need help. Learn to set healthy boundaries in your relationships. Protect your time and energy to focus on what truly matters to you. Remember boundaries don’t have to be brutal. You can maintain boundaries and still be a kind human. My favorite phrase is, “Sadly I cannot.” or “Unfortunately I won’t be able to.”.
• Kindness: Practice acts of kindness towards yourself and others. Accept compliments gracefully and remember that you deserve all the good things life has to offer. When someone says something nice to you, a simple thank you is enough. Now if you’re a sassy pants like me you could say, “Thank you, I agree.” But can we please cancel downplaying ourselves. If the outfit is old, guess what, nobody asked you. Say thank you and celebrate that you are so stylish that even your old outfits are dope. See how that works.

Conclusion

Ok. So there you have it. If you want to learn more I would recommend grabbing Dr. Christina Hibbert’s This Is How We Grow. Remember, enhancing your self-awareness, embracing self-acceptance, and cultivating self-love, will help you to free your essential self from its prison of social norms and and shine brighter than ever. Start today and watch your self-worth multiply exponentially. Let me know if any of the steps above work for you. If you found this content helpful, please like, share, comment and subscribe. Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram, and if you or someone you know needs coaching, a speaker or a podcast guest, I am always looking for ways to impact one million women to increase their mental fitness. Choose to have a good day.