Be The Star Of Your Life

You are currently cast in the greatest story ever told. I see you making faces at me like I am touched and not by an angel. I mean your life! I know, I know. Sometimes it feels like you’re playing a minor character. But that’s why you have me. Fear not! With a dash of mental fitness and a sprinkle of humor, you’ll soon be strutting through life like the protagonist you were born to be. The secret? Making choices that create the outcomes you want.

Mental Fitness: Build Your Decision-Making Muscle

Before we dive into our script, let’s talk about mental fitness. Just as the star of an action movie needs physical strength, mental agility is crucial for when life’s sense of humor places you at an intersection and tells you to choose. According to a 2020 study by the American Psychological Association, mental fitness can improve decision-making skills, boost overall well-being, and even enhance your ability to adapt to new challenges. Would you agree that the star of your story needs those traits?

So, how do you cultivate this mental superpower? Not to worry, you know I never ask you to do anything without giving a roadmap. Here are a few steps to get you started.

Step 1: Become Your Own Hype-Person

In the 80’s and 90’s rappers showed us all how important it was to have a hype man on stage. The hype man’s only job is to hype up the crowd – keep them excited and engaged throughout the performance. How amazing would life be if we all woke up to a hype person every day getting us excited and keeping us engaged in our own lives? Well, you can be your own hype person. It all starts with how you talk to, and about yourself. Let’s learn from the hype men.

How to Do It:

1. Channel DJ Khaled: If you don’t know who DJ Khaled is, you only have to listen to one of his songs to hear him say, “We da best,” repeatedly. You need to be like him. Catch those sneaky negative thoughts, lurking in the shadows, like little gremlins, sabotaging your decision-making, send them packing and replace them with positive ones. Example: If you think, “I’m terrible at public speaking,” of course you won’t be very excited about public speaking. But what if you asked yourself what would your hype person say? Channel your inner DJ Khaled and tell yourself the outcome you hope for, as if it was fact. Your brain will believe you. So you could turn “I’m terrible at public speaking,” into “I’m a boss at public speaking.” Try it repeatedly. It actually works. Your brain will then remind you of when you did things similar to public speaking and were great at it. From there it’s all about the practice.
2. Narrate the Positive: When the hype man is on stage he doesn’t say one negative thing. He tells the crowd to throw their hands up in the air and wave them like they just don’t care. Do the same thing. Instead of narrating your fear, narrate the positive. Say things that put you in a good frame of mind. Let me show you what I mean. Replace “I can’t do this,” with “I’m still learning this!” Or “I don’t know how,” with “Ooooh when I get this I’m gonna crush it.” See what I did there? Your brain believes what you tell it So feed it the good stuff. Example: Instead of “I kill plants,” which is what I used to say before, now I say, “I am a new gardener.” New gives me the latitude to learn without expectations, but I claim that gardener status. In four months I have acquired fifteen plants. Thirteen of them are thriving. Don’t judge me. I’m learning.
3. Rev Yourself Up: Imagine how the hype man warms up to go on stage. I am sure he isn’t dragging around like, “Uggghhhh I gotta go hype this crowd up.” He is probably revving himself up right before going on stage. Telling himself all sorts of positive things. Do the same. Kickstart your day with a confidence boost. Look in the mirror and rev yourself up. Think of your life as your stage and hype yourself up and get excited about getting to live it.

Step 2: Make Intentional Choices

Think of your favorite movie or show, the star doesn’t just drift aimlessly; they make bold choices that drive the plot forward. Sure they have writers to help them, but who is a better author of your life than you? Whether it’s deciding to start a new business or finally organizing your closet, making intentional choices gives you, the star, direction.

How to Do It:

1. Clarify Your Values: Be clear about what is important to you. I am a huge fan of keeping values and goals somewhere visible so that they remain top of mind. When you log on to many company websites, one of the first things they share is their mission, vision and values. I think every one of us should do the same. Why? Glad you asked. Knowing your core values is necessary if you want to make decisions that align with your true self. Example: Authenticity is very important to me, so I only choose options that allow me to be autonomous, sassy, a little bit nerdy, direct and joyful to name a few. I do not accept any opportunities that require me to fold myself into someone else’s vision of who I should be.
2. Use the 10/10/10 Rule: You could also use the 10/10/10 rule which is designed to help you evaluate how you will feel about a decision at three different points in the future: in 10 minutes, 10 months, and 10 years. For this to work you have to be honest with yourself about your emotional and practical responses to each question. But if you do it right, it can help you balance immediate gratification or excitement with long-term satisfaction and consequences. There are no right or wrong answers, just answers that align to your goals and values. Example: Imagine you’re deciding whether to accept a job offer in a new city.
   • 10 Minutes: In the short term, you might feel excited about the new opportunity and the change of scenery. Or you might feel anxious about leaving your current job and the logistics of moving.
   • 10 Months: After 10 months, you could feel more settled in your new role and city. You might have made new friends and be enjoying the challenges and opportunities the job offers. Or, you might miss your friends, family, and familiar surroundings and be experiencing the stress of adjusting to a new environment.
   • 10 Years: In the long term, this job might have provided significant career growth, financial stability, and personal development. The move could have positively shaped your life and career trajectory. Or, you might realize that while the job advanced your career, the personal sacrifices (like being far from loved ones) were too great.
3. Trust Your Gut: Sometimes your intuition knows best. If a choice feels right deep down, it’s probably a step in the right direction. I remember turning down a job because I felt that the person who was hiring me wouldn’t be very supportive. I couldn’t be sure but my gut said no, and so did I. Remember authenticity is one of my values so I needed to be true to me. Example: If you feel uneasy about a new partnership or project, trust that instinct and take a step back to evaluate further. There is no harm in confirming your choice before jumping into something new.

Step 3: Lean on Your Trusted Circle

Every star has supporting actors and actresses that help them through the tough times. Why should you be any different? Last week we ‘talked’ about the trusted circle – friends and mentors who tell you the truth kindly, and cheer you on even if they don’t get it. Lean on them to help you make wise decisions and inspire you to take bold actions. Let them be your cheer squad. If you don’t have a trusted circle, you can build one.

How to Do It:

1. Familiar Positive Influences: Who are the supportive friends and mentors in your life? Who are the people who support your goals and offer good advice? Example: My younger sister, my partner, two former co-workers and one former student are all in my trusted circle. I go to them for a balance of truth, kindness, and support.
2. Learn from Veterans: Join clubs or groups that align with your interests. There is so much that can be learned from people who have already done what you want to do. Example: I am a huge introvert so I take advantage of virtual spaces to connect and learn from other people who are doing the things I aspire to. No one becomes a success in isolation and I have learned that for so many people who seem like they are magical successes, there are literal machines behind them making it happen. Get out there in which ever way you prefer and learn the unspoken rules. Example: I have joined groups on Facebook, LinkedIn and paid for professional services to meet like-minded individuals.
3. Share: Main characters aren’t lone wolves. Support your circle in their quests, and they’ll do the same for you. Share your knowledge with new acquaintances, don’t just ask for theirs. Example: People hit me up on LinkedIn all the time in my professional capacity asking for help. I help them, but you know what would shock me in the best way? If after they got the help, they asked me if there was a way they could help me. It never happens, but imagine how you would stand out if you made that your M.O.

Bonus Step: Embrace Humor

Every great story has its comedic moments, and your life is no different. Laughter is not just a temporary escape; it’s a way to build resilience and make better decisions in tough situations. Research from the Mayo Clinic shows that humor can reduce stress, improve your mood, and even enhance your immune system. I have lived long enough to learn that life’s plot twists are funnier than fiction.

How to Do It:

1. Find the Funny: When life throws a pie in your face, laugh, stick your tongue out and savor the flavor. It’s all part of the adventure and helps you stay positive when making choices. Example: The other day I sprayed a Neem oil solution on my plants to rid my hibiscus plants of aphids. I accidentally killed my lemon seedling in the process. I was disappointed about my mistake but I laughed it off and called it a casualty of war on the aphids.
2. Make Gratitude Fun: Instead of just listing things you’re grateful for, think of something silly each day. Example: I’m thankful that I have cute sunglasses to wear around the house in the morning when my light sensitivity threatens a headache. Not only do I fight the headache, I walk around like a super star in the early part of the day.
3. Share the Laughs: Spread joy by sharing funny stories or jokes with friends. A good laugh is contagious and can help you see choices in a new light. Example: I send hilarious memes to at least five people every morning. It starts their day with at least one chuckle and I get to laugh five times before I start my work day.

Conclusion

Whew! That was a lot, but I am confident that using these steps, will have you well on your way to becoming the star of your story. Remember, every protagonist faces challenges, but it’s the choices you make that define your tale. Now, go forth and walk your red carpet – your epic adventure awaits! Oh and by the way, never lose your sense of humor. Life is too short to be miserable.

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