The Energy Upgrade

Stop Letting the Wrong Things Drain You & Start Attracting Better

I swear, sometimes my therapy sessions feel less like a deep, emotional excavation and more like a stand-up comedy special with a side of breakthroughs. My therapist? She gets me. She’s funny, comically honest in the best way, and somehow always knows when to drop wisdom wrapped in humor—just enough to make the truth sting a little less.

Every session starts the same. I log in, usually with my tea (because therapy without a warm drink just doesn’t hit the same), and she greets me with that knowing smile. She already sees the storm I’m carrying before I even open my mouth.

“What are we unpacking today?” she asks, leaning back like she already knows I’ve been overthinking something ridiculous.

And I start.

I talk about the latest situation that had me spiraling. Maybe it was a conversation I replayed fifty-leven times in my head. Maybe it was a boundary I set that left me feeling guilty. Maybe it was something I knew, deep down, wasn’t even my problem to carry—but whew, did I try to hold it anyway.

She listens. Nods. Waits for me to finish.

Then, instead of offering a deep, profound analysis, she hits me with:

“Girl.”

And just like that, I crack up.

Because she’s right. Because I already know what I need to do. Because sometimes, we don’t need another intellectual deep dive into our feelings—we just need someone who sees through our overthinking and calls it out with love.

That’s when it hits me: so much of the stress I carry isn’t even mine. It’s energy I’ve absorbed from the people around me, worries I’ve picked up that don’t belong to me, conversations that drain instead of fuel me. And I bet you’ve felt the same way.

That’s why we need an Energy Upgrade.

Because energy is real—and it’s contagious. The people you surround yourself with, the conversations you engage in, even the thoughts you let linger in your mind—they all shape your energy, your mindset, and your ability to thrive.

So if you’ve been wondering why you feel drained, uninspired, or stuck, it’s time for an Energy Upgrade.

And let’s be clear—this isn’t just about cutting people off and burning sage (though, hey, do what you need to do). It’s about being intentional with what and who you allow into your life.

And that? That takes work.

So let’s get into it—why these shifts feel hard, the fears that keep you stuck, and how to move through them so you can start attracting the right people, experiences, and opportunities.

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What’s Keeping You Stuck? Let’s Talk About It.

I know, I know. This is supposed to be an energy upgrade—but let’s start with what’s keeping you in the same low-energy cycle. I promise it will make sense.

Because change? It’s uncomfortable. Like an itchy wool sweater that you just want to rip off. And sometimes, fear keeps us clinging to what’s familiar—even if it’s draining us. But we are not going to let fear win. So before we start leveling up your energy, let’s get real about what’s been weighing you down. Because you can’t upgrade what you’re still holding onto. Let’s uncover the hidden roadblocks, shake off the energy-zappers, and make space for what actually fuels you.

Some common fears you might be facing:

🚨 Fear of being “mean” when you set boundaries.
🔊 “But they’ve always counted on me for support.”
🔊 “I don’t want them to think I don’t care.”
🔊 “What if they cut me off completely?”

🚨 Fear of loneliness when shifting your circle.
🔊 “But these are the only people I have.”
🔊 “What if I don’t find anyone new?”
🔊 “It’s better to be around somebody than to be alone.”

🚨 Fear of rejection when reaching out to inspiring people.
🔊 “What if they think I’m annoying?”
🔊 “Why would they want to talk to me?”
🔊 “I’ll just embarrass myself.”

🚨 Fear of failure when reassessing your goals.
🔊 “I should be grateful for what I have.”
🔊 “I’m not ready for something bigger.”
🔊 “What if I go for it and fail?”

Now, let’s flip these fears and upgrade your energy for real.

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Implementing Your Energy Upgrade

✅ Day 15: Identify 3 Energy-Drainers & Start Limiting Their Access

🚨 Unexpected Energy Drainers You May Not Realize:

• “Silent scorekeepers” – People who act like they support you, but deep down, they’re keeping tabs. If they do something for you, you owe them. If you succeed, they’re secretly tallying up their own losses. Their energy is heavy—even when they’re smiling.
• Your unread messages – That never-ending list of texts and DMs you “should” respond to but don’t have the energy for? That lingering guilt? It’s quietly draining you, even when your phone is on silent.
• The “fixer” mentality – When you take on everyone’s problems as your own, your mind stays cluttered with issues that aren’t even yours to solve.
• Background noise that stresses you out – News cycles, reality TV drama, even the playlist that lowkey reminds you of your ex—sometimes, your environment is what’s messing with your peace.
• That one unfinished task you keep ignoring – That bill you need to pay, the doctor’s appointment you keep putting off, the email you’ve been avoiding… it’s taking up more mental space than you think.

✨ Pro Tip: Instead of completely cutting something (or someone) off, try making small shifts to improve your energy.
💬 “I’m giving myself permission to take a step back and prioritize my energy. Let’s see how I feel in a week.”

Try it. You might be surprised how much lighter you feel.

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✅ Day 16: Take Inventory of Your Circle—Who Uplifts You? Who Drains You?

📍 The Challenge: Realizing some of your relationships are one-sided, and that stings.

🔊 “But we’ve been friends forever—I can’t just stop hanging out.”

📌 Things to Consider When Taking Inventory:

• Do they celebrate your wins or low-key downplay them?
• Do you feel refreshed after spending time with them or emotionally exhausted?
• Do they support your growth or make you feel guilty for evolving?
• Is there mutual effort, or does it feel like you’re always the one reaching out?

✨ Pro Tip: Instead of removing people, start redirecting your energy toward the people who uplift you.

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✅ Day 17: Start Conversations with People Who Inspire You

📍 The Challenge: Fear of rejection.

🔊 “They won’t answer, so why even try?”

💡 How to Start Conversations with People You Admire:

• The Compliment Opener: “I love your work and how you [specific thing they do well]. How did you develop that skill?”
• The Insight Question: “I saw you talk about [topic] and it really resonated with me. What’s the best advice you got when you started?”
• The Connection Approach: “I’m really interested in [their field or topic]. Do you have any book/podcast recommendations that helped you?”

✨ Pro Tip: People love genuine appreciation. So don’t be fake.

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✅ Day 18: Replace One Complaint with a Solution

📍 The Challenge: Complaining is comfortable. It feels like venting, like processing—but when it becomes a habit, it keeps you stuck in the problem instead of moving toward the solution.

🔊 Old Habit: “Ugh, I’m so exhausted from work. My to-do list never ends.”

✨ Energy Upgrade: Instead of stopping at the complaint, finish with a solution.

💬 New Mindset: “I’m feeling exhausted. I’m going to reassess my workload and delegate where I can. Also, I need to actually take my lunch break instead of working through it.”

🧠 Why Focusing on Solutions is Better for Your Brain:
Your brain has something called the Reticular Activating System (RAS), which filters information based on what you focus on. If you dwell on negativity, your brain keeps showing you more things to complain about. But when you shift to solutions, your brain starts looking for opportunities, alternatives, and ways to win.

✨ Pro Tip: The next time you catch yourself complaining, ask:

• What part of this is in my control?
• What’s one small thing I can do to change this?
• If I gave advice to a friend in this situation, what would I tell them?

You don’t have to pretend everything is perfect. But shifting your mindset from stuck to solution-focused will change how you move through challenges—and keep your energy high.

✨ Pro Tip: Instead of stopping at the complaint, finish with a solution.

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✅ Day 19: Compliment a Stranger—Good Energy Multiplies

📍 The Challenge: It feels random, and we’re not used to giving energy to strangers.

🔬 The Science Behind Compliments:
Complimenting someone activates the reward center of their brain, which releases dopamine—the same “feel-good” chemical linked to happiness. And guess what? The person giving the compliment gets a dopamine boost too! So give them out freely and honestly.

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✅ Day 20: Say a Bold Affirmation in the Mirror

✨ 3 Unique Affirmations for High-Achieving Women:

1. 🌟 “I attract opportunities that recognize my value, match my energy, and align with my purpose.”
2. ✨ “I’m done forcing things. What’s meant for me comes with ease, alignment, and perfect timing.”
3. 🔥 “By choosing myself first, I create space for more joy, peace, and possibility.”

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✅ Day 21: Reassess Your Goals—Are You Aiming Too Low?

📝 Questions to Help You Reassess Your Goals:

• Am I choosing goals based on my true desires or based on what’s “realistic”?
• If I knew I wouldn’t fail, what would I go for?
• Am I afraid of success just as much as I’m afraid of failure?

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✅ The Energy Upgrade: Protect Your Peace & Elevate Your Circle

Alright, so we’ve talked about energy drainers, the silent stressors that sneak into your day, and how to start clearing space for what actually fuels you. Now, here’s the real question:

What are you going to do with all this extra energy once you stop letting it leak?

Because, let me tell you—when you start protecting your energy, your whole life starts shifting. You walk different. You attract better. You stop feeling like life is something happening to you and start realizing you’re the one setting the tone.

So this week, I challenge you to make one bold move for your energy. Maybe that’s muting the “should be working” guilt and actually resting. Maybe it’s choosing rest without feeling like you have to earn it first. Maybe it’s letting yourself dream bigger because you finally have the mental space to see what’s possible.

Whatever it is—choose you. Your peace, your power, and your future self will thank you for it. I feel so energized just even writing this.

💬 Drop a comment below: What’s one energy-draining habit or situation you’re letting go of this week? Let’s talk about it! 👇🏾✨