self-care

The Self-Love Reset: Hard—But Sooo Worth It

1 Comment / authenticity, mindset, self-sovereignty, Wellness /

Have you ever made a decision that’s for you—and immediately felt guilty about it? I know I’m not the only one. Maybe you finally said no to something that drained you, took yourself out to dinner instead of waiting for an invite, or enforced a boundary that should’ve been a given… and suddenly, you’re questioning yourself. Am I being selfish?Am I being difficult?Will they be mad at me? Choosing yourself sounds amazing and energizing in theory, but when you actually start doing it? Whew. It can feel strange, uncomfortable, even lonely. Like you’re going against the grain of who you’ve always been. But let me tell you something—just because it feels unfamiliar doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It means it’s new. And new is where the magic happens. If you’ve spent years saying yes when you wanted to say no, of course saying no is going to feel unnatural.If you’ve spent forever filling your schedule to avoid silence, of course sitting in stillness will feel uncomfortable.If you’ve spent your whole life making decisions based on what others want, of course choosing you will feel foreign. But discomfort is not a stop sign—it’s a sign you’re growing. And that’s exactly what the Self-Love Reset is all about. It’s not just a challenge—it’s a shake-up. A way to put yourself back at the top of your priority list and start making choices that serve you. It won’t always feel easy, and it won’t always feel natural, but every step is designed to help you shift into the next level of your life—one that’s centered on you, your joy, and your well-being. So let’s get into it: Seven days. Seven shifts. And a whole lot of self-love. Here’s what you can expect (and how to push through the parts that feel uncomfortable). What the Self-Love Reset Actually Feels Like (Not the Instagram Version) ✅ Day 8: Taking Yourself Out Solo 📍 What it feels like: You walk into a restaurant, ask for a table for one, and immediately feel seen—but not in a good way. Your mind starts telling you that everyone is watching, wondering why you’re alone. You might feel tempted to stay glued to your phone, rush through your meal, or abandon the whole thing altogether. ✨ Why it’s worth it: The moment you stop overthinking and actually settle in? You realize—Wait, I actually enjoy my own company. You order what you want, take in your surroundings, and soak in the peace of being with yourself. The more you do it, the more you realize that you were never the problem—your fear of judgment was. 💡 Pro Tip: Bring a journal or a book to ease any initial awkwardness, but challenge yourself to put your phone away and be fully present in the experience. ✅ Day 9: Saying No Without an Explanation 📍 What it feels like: You type “no” and immediately your fingers itch to soften it: I’m so sorry, I can’t because… You think about how they’ll take it, how you might disappoint them, how you could maybe squeeze it in if you really tried. Saying no feels like breaking an unspoken agreement you never actually agreed to. ✨ Why it’s worth it: The first time you say no and don’t over-explain? It feels like freedom. The more you do it, the more you realize that people adjust. And the ones who don’t? They were benefiting from your lack of boundaries, not your presence. 💡 Pro Tip: If you struggle with saying no, start with low-stakes situations (ex: declining an event invite). Once you get used to the feeling, work your way up to bigger things. ✅ Day 10: Writing a Letter to Your Future Self 📍 What it feels like: Weirdly vulnerable. You sit there, pen in hand, and suddenly feel like you don’t know yourself at all. What do you even say? It feels silly, awkward, like something from a self-help book that isn’t meant for you. ✨ Why it’s worth it: You push through, and something shifts. You start imagining who you want to be. You put words to dreams you barely admit out loud. Months from now, when you read it back, you’ll see how far you’ve come—and that moment? It’s priceless. 💡 Pro Tip: Seal the letter in an envelope and write “Do Not Open Until [Date].” Having a set time to revisit it makes the transformation even more powerful. ✅ Day 11: Making Decisions Based on What You Want 📍 What it feels like: Guilt. So much guilt. You hesitate, second-guess, and wonder if you’re making a mistake by putting yourself first. The voices of other people’s expectations are loud, and choosing differently feels like rebellion. ✨ Why it’s worth it: Then you do it, and nothing bad happens. The world keeps spinning. And you realize how many of your choices were about pleasing others rather than honoring yourself. The first time you choose you, it feels weird. The second time? A little easier. The hundredth time? Non-negotiable. 💡 Pro Tip: If you’re struggling, ask yourself: If no one else had an opinion, what would I choose? Your answer is your truth. ✅ Day 12: Starting Your Day with Music That Makes You Feel Unstoppable 📍 What it feels like: Simple, right? But then you realize how much you’ve been letting other things—emails, social media, stress—set the tone for your day. ✨ Why it’s worth it: One small shift can change everything. When you start your day with music that lifts your energy, you move differently. You show up differently. And that energy carries into every single thing you do. 💡 Pro Tip: Make a playlist called “Main Character Energy” and let it be your go-to for confidence boosts. ✅ Day 13: Creating & Enforcing a New Boundary 📍 What it feels like: Heavy. You know someone’s not going to like it. You anticipate the pushback, the questions, the subtle guilt-tripping. You feel responsible for their reaction, even though logically, you know you

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What I Am No Longer Doing as I Stand in My Authentic Power

2 Comments / Wellness /

There was a time when I played small—when I tiptoed around people’s feelings, bent over backward for approval, and ran myself ragged trying to be everything to everyone. But those days? Gone. Buried. Never to return. Now, I stand in my authentic power, and let me tell you—it’s a whole new level of peace, power, and unapologetic me. Stepping into this version of myself meant rewriting the rules. No more shrinking, no more second-guessing, no more handing over my joy on a silver platter. So here’s what I’m no longer doing as I reclaim my time, energy, and joy, along with the mindset shifts that got me here: 🚫 Shrinking myself to make others comfortable. 🗣 Before, my internal narrative would have been: “Let me not come across as too much—I’ll tone it down so no one feels intimidated.”😩 How that made me feel: Like I was constantly monitoring myself, walking on eggshells to make sure I didn’t take up too much space. I felt small, invisible, and exhausted from trying to be palatable.✨ Now, it is: “I am exactly the right amount. My success isn’t a threat—it’s an invitation for others to rise.”😌 How this makes me feel now: Liberated. Powerful. Like I can finally exhale and show up fully, knowing that my presence is a gift, not a burden. Talk about a breath of fresh air.🔮 Why this change serves me better: Playing small does nothing but suffocate me and my potential. The fullest version of me owns her brilliance and walks in every room like she belongs—because she does. 🚫 Over-explaining my choices. 🗣 Before, my internal narrative would have been: “I hope they understand why I can’t make it… Maybe if I give them a solid reason, they won’t be upset.”😩 How that made me feel: Like I was constantly justifying myself, as if my choices weren’t valid unless someone else approved them. It was exhausting and made me doubt my own decisions.✨ Now, it is: “No, I won’t be able to. Thanks for understanding!”😌 How this makes me feel now: Confident. At peace. Like I finally trust myself enough to make a decision and let it stand without looking for validation. What a feeling!🔮 Why this change serves me better: My time and energy are mine to allocate. The best version of me doesn’t need a permission slip to make decisions that serve her. Period. 🚫 Performing for approval. 🗣 Before, my internal narrative would have been: “If I do this extra work, they’ll see my value. If I show up for everyone, they’ll appreciate me.”😩 How that made me feel: Like I was running a race I could never win—constantly chasing validation but never quite feeling enough. No matter how much I did, it was never enough to silence the doubt.✨ Now, it is: “My value is not up for negotiation. I bring the magic, and those who recognize it will show up accordingly.”😌 How this makes me feel now: Free. Worthy. Like I finally understand that my worth isn’t measured by my productivity or how much I sacrifice. When I tell you this freed up so much time on my calendar, please believe it.🔮 Why this change serves me better: Exhausting myself for claps? Absolutely not. The best version of me is whole, worthy, and enough—with or without the standing ovation. 🚫 Pouring from an empty cup. 🗣 Before, my internal narrative would have been: “They need me, so I’ll just push through. I can rest later.”😩 How that made me feel: Overwhelmed, drained, and resentful. I was giving so much that there was nothing left for me.✨ Now, it is: “I need me too. My rest is non-negotiable.”😌 How this makes me feel now: Rejuvenated. In control. Like I’m finally giving myself the care I need and was so good at freely giving to others. Now when I need a nap, I take a nap. When I need to pass, I pass without guilt. I freely give myself what I need to renew, restore, and rejuvenate.🔮 Why this change serves me better: You can’t serve from an empty well, and the best version of me understands that rest isn’t a luxury—it’s a requirement. 🚫 Saying yes out of guilt. 🗣 Before, my internal narrative would have been: “I really don’t want to, but they’ll be upset if I say no…”😩 How that made me feel: Trapped. Like I was living for everyone but me. Like my time wasn’t my own.✨ Now, it is: “My time and energy are precious, and ‘no’ is a complete sentence.”😌 How this makes me feel now: Empowered. Like I finally get to choose how I show up and where I invest my energy.🔮 Why this change serves me better: Saying yes when I mean no is a fast pass to resentment. The best version of me moves from joy, not obligation. 🚫 Forgetting who I am. 🗣 Before, my internal narrative would have been: “Maybe I should just stay in this situation—it’s familiar, even if it doesn’t make me happy.”😩 How that made me feel: Stuck. Like I was settling for less than I deserved because I was afraid of change.✨ Now, it is: “I have worked too hard to become this version of me. She is here to stay.”😌 How this makes me feel now: Unshakable. Like I have my own back, and I will never betray myself again.🔮 Why this change serves me better: The woman I fought to become deserves my loyalty. I refuse to abandon her for anyone’s comfort. Are You Ready to Stand in Your Authentic Power? To my fellow high-achieving, heart-centered women—if this resonates, drop a 🔥 in the comments and tell me: Which one hit you the hardest? What are you no longer doing? Here’s to standing tall, living boldly, and choosing you—every single time. 👑✨

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Real Connections, Real Joy

4 Comments / authenticity, Wellness /

How to Cultivate Deeper, More Meaningful Relationships Alright, let’s get real for a minute. You’ve got the career, the degrees, the accomplishments, the home. You’ve checked off all the boxes, and from the outside, life is looking good. But when it comes to the people in your life, the connections that should bring you joy? They’re just not hitting the way they should. That was me a few years ago. To be honest, I am an introvert so when my relationships feel off kilter that is a big deal. We all know that real joy comes from real connections—those deep, meaningful relationships that lift you up, not the surface-level ones that just take up space and make you take a deep breath before engaging with the person. You know that you know what I mean. But here’s the thing I had to learn; meaningful connections don’t just happen because you’ve known someone for a long time or because you see them regularly. They happen when you’re intentional, when you let yourself be seen, and when you focus on the people who really matter. I don’t know about you but for me that was a game changer. I had assumed that people pay attention to my needs in the way that I pay attention to theirs. Boy was I wrong. For the most part people are busy with their lives and they aren’t thinking about what you need, you have to tell them. When I changed my approach my relationships improved and I cannot lie, I was shocked that such a simple thing was the game changer. I have a friend that likes to tell me closed mouths don’t get fed. To be honest, I hate the phrase but in this case, it’s the truth. Anyway let’s talk about how I learned to build those kinds of relationships—the ones that leave you feeling filled up instead of drained – and maybe it can help you too. 1. Be Intentional About Your Relationships Listen, life gets busy. We’ve all been guilty of going through the motions, keeping up with relationships out of habit or obligation. But if you want to feel that real joy, you have to put some thought into who you’re spending your time with. Are you hanging out with people because it’s convenient, or because they truly add something to your life? This was a big one for me, because I am the type of person whose emotions are impacted by the company I keep. So I can’t be around folks who drain my energy. I knew that, but I didn’t pay attention to the fact that I was spending time with people who were taking value, but not adding any. If that’s you here is what worked for me. What can you do?Take a step back and ask yourself: Who am I really connected to? Who makes me feel seen and heard? And who am I just keeping around because it’s comfortable? This is your life, —there’s no room for draining relationships. The people you spend time with should bring you energy, not just take it. I have big sister energy so I am always trying to help and nurture, but I realized I didn’t have balance. I needed people who would do the same for me. Action Step:Here is something you can do: Choose one or two people who you feel a true connection with and schedule time to catch up in a way that feels authentic to the relationship and you. Whether it’s a phone call, a coffee date, or just sitting on the couch choose a medium where you can be fully present with them and focus on building that relationship. Think about it this way, when was the last time you were truly listened to, or truly listened to someone without interrupting with a story of your own or with questions that piqued your curiosity. Try offering a deep listening experience to someone you value and watch what happens. 2. Create Space for Vulnerability Now, I get it—vulnerability isn’t always easy. Especially when you’ve been in control of your life for so long, letting someone see the “real you” can feel uncomfortable. But here’s the thing: real connections require you to show up as your full self. That’s the only way people can truly know you, and that’s where the joy comes from. Ma’am/Sir, this one was hard for me. Like I said, I have big sister energy, so I am not used to being the one who gets the help. But I had to learn to speak up and say what I needed, and wanted. I thought it would be so hard, but honestly because I was doing it with people who really cared, it was not hard at all. I just had to be brave and say it. So I did, I told people when I didn’t want them to be judgy, I told people when I wanted them to listen, I told people when things didn’t sit well for me. And it worked! I got what I needed from the people who cared. What can you do?Start small. You don’t have to spill your whole life story in one sitting, but try sharing a little bit more of what’s going on with you or about what you need the next time you talk to someone you trust. Tell them what’s really on your mind, whether it’s something that’s been bothering you or a dream you’ve been holding onto. Let them in a little more than you usually do. I did this with my younger sister and she was so supportive that I felt silly not doing it for so long. I was used to being there for her, but given the chance, she was there for me and it felt so good. Action Step:The next time you have a conversation with someone you trust, try sharing a small thing about yourself that you’ve been holding on to. It doesn’t have

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Boost Your Self-Worth

5 Comments / Wellness /

A Guide Inspired by Dr. Christina Hibbert’s This Is How We Grow Hey there, beautiful! It’s time to elevate your sense of self-worth. Rest assured, whenever I encourage you to take action, I always provide practical steps. Firstly, I drew inspiration for this post from Dr. Christina Hibbert’s book, This Is How We Grow. She makes a fascinating differentiation between self-esteem and self-love, and I am here for it. She defines self-esteem as our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about ourselves and self-worth as an unshakable understanding that we are valuable, lovable, essential to this life, and of immeasurable worth. She believes that we can have “high self-esteem,” meaning that we can acknowledge our skills, yet still not be entirely convinced of our lovability and worth. When I read that I felt like she was ‘strumming my pain with her fingers and singing my life with her words’, to quote Roberta Flack and Lauryn Hill. That made so much sense to me, because I was always clear that I was smart and able to rack up accolades, but I did not always feel valuable and worthy. So to say this resonated with me was an understatement. As if my mind was not blown enough, she went on to talk about the fact that self-esteem can’t be sustained or even be effective if we do not have a sense of self-worth. So her whole vibe is, let’s stop worrying about self-esteem and let’s look at self-worth. She created a pyramid for achieving self-worth and names the key elements of self-worth as self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-love. So let’s get into it and you know me there will be a smidge of humor, a dash of sass, and whole lot of concrete ways to increase our self-worth so that we can increase our mental fitness. 1. Self-Awareness: Reflect and Shine Let’s begin at the beginning. In order to be self-aware you have to be willing to see yourself for who you really are – the good, the bad, and the ugly. And who amongst us does not have some ugly tucked away in the back of our closets? So it’s nothing to be ashamed of, own it. Do you like to cuss like a sailor? Own it. Or maybe you sneakily like to watch other peoples’ calamity. Own it. The point is not to judge yourself but to really know yourself. And not just your social self, the self we present to world, it’s important to know your essential self. The one that probably never sees the light of day but is who you really are deep down inside. Listen, you will never see this but I suck my tongue when I am falling asleep. I don’t care if you judge me, it soothes me and it is what I do. Self-awareness is knowing all the pieces that make you, you. Your strengths, your areas of growth, your talents, your skills, your abilities, your mistakes, the things that you can’t do but wish you could (Is singing on your list? It’s on mine but it remains a wish.), and the things you have zero interest in ever learning (Fishing, if I never learned how to fish it would still be too soon). The goal of self-awareness is seeing the whole picture—flaws, fabulousness, and all. If the thought of this causes you to break out in hives, take a deep breath and consider some of these activities. Practical Ways to Boost Your Self-Awareness: 2. Self-Acceptance: Embrace Your Whole Self When you become truly familiar with your self it’s time to accept all your parts. Yes the cellulite and soft belly need acceptance too. And that body part that you think isn’t your best body part, it needs acceptance too. And those mistakes you made, they need acceptance too. Because accepting the pieces that you aren’t the most proud of, means you aren’t discounting any of your parts that make you, you; and owning that you don’t need to be perfect, you just need to be your best you. Listen this one is deeply resonant for me cause I remember hating my dark skin, my full nose and my full lips when I was younger and by doing the work I am suggesting below, ya girl’s favorite lipsticks are now two bold colors by The Lip Bar – Bawse Lady and Rich Auntie. It didn’t happen overnight but over time I learned to love all of me. Does that mean I don’t still try to get rid of the muffin top, heck nah. I love me and I want to be my healthiest me and I know that muffin top could increase my health risk factors. So here are some things that work for me. Steps to Foster Self-Acceptance: 3. Self-Love: The Ultimate Love Affair The third and final component is self-love! This is where you treat yourself like the gem you are. Self-love means nurturing and caring for yourself, being kind to yourself, and allowing love to flow in and out of your life. And if you are unsure about this remember that gems are formed under pressure and aren’t always flawless. E.g. did you know that rubies are generally rarer than most diamonds? But because more people want diamonds, diamonds are generally more expensive. Let that sit in your spirit for a minute. Curate Your Self-Love: Conclusion Ok. So there you have it. If you want to learn more I would recommend grabbing Dr. Christina Hibbert’s This Is How We Grow. Remember, enhancing your self-awareness, embracing self-acceptance, and cultivating self-love, will help you to free your essential self from its prison of social norms and and shine brighter than ever. Start today and watch your self-worth multiply exponentially. Let me know if any of the steps above work for you. If you found this content helpful, please like, share, comment and subscribe. Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram, and if you or someone you know needs coaching, a speaker or a podcast

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