Surviving Life Quakes: Rebuild and Thrive

Jab.

Hook.

Uppercut.

Roundhouse kick.

That’s what my life has felt like lately. Like I am getting hit on several different fronts all at the same time.

In the past six months, I’ve dealt with an injury, a move, major transitions at work, and not one, but two hurricanes threatening my home. And while I enjoy a good kickboxing routine with my trainer Coach Moe, I don’t enjoy it when life hits me with multiple body blows in a short period of time. And in the last few months I am not ashamed to say I have on the ropes, wheezing, and begging for mercy.

Has that ever happened to you? Life hits you with a one-two punch and then decided to throw in a few extra jabs for good measure? And just when you thought it was over here comes a roundhouse to the gut? Well I learned a new term to describe that feeling of being knocked down by multiple things all at once, it’s called a life quake. I had never heard the term before and then I heard it twice in one day. So of course I investigated and it turns out that is what I have been dealing with lately.

If you’re in that boat, I get it. It’s exhausting. You feel like you’re juggling everything with one hand tied behind your back, and nothing is going the way you planned. And I don’t know about you but sometimes I look around waiting for someone to jump out of the bushes and tell me I am being pranked. Cause in my head there is no way that this could really be happening. Sadly, so far no one has jumped out yet, but the good news is that I have learned to bounce back and here’s the thing: you can bounce back too. You can get through the life quake without losing your mind. And I’m here to share how I moved from just surviving to thriving—even when life decided that it wanted to throw me all the curve balls at once. But first, definitions.

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What’s a Life Quake, and How Often Can We Expect Them?

A life quake is what happens when a big life event shakes everything up. These aren’t your everyday stressors; they’re the big moments that rock your foundation and require you to adapt and change in order to survive them. They can be triggered by things like losing a job, a health crisis, or major changes in relationships. But life quakes don’t have to be negative – becoming a parent can be a life quake, stepping into a new role, moving up in your career are all generally joyous events that can rock the foundations we have built and require us to adjust, albeit in a good way.

According to author Bruce Feiler in his book Life Is in the Transitions, most people experience life quakes every 12 to 18 months. Yep, you read that right. We’re not talking about a rare, once-in-a-decade event. Life transitions happen a lot. Feiler’s research shows that each person experiences about three to five major life quakes over the course of their lives. Some are more manageable, while others can completely throw you off course.

How Long Does It Take to Recover from a Life Quake?

What makes a life quake different than the average stressor is that realistically the average recovery time is about five years, according to Feiler’s findings. That’s right—bouncing back doesn’t happen overnight. And if you’re feeling pressure to “move on” quickly, cut yourself some slack. Life transitions are messy and complicated, and it’s completely normal for the process to take time. And please, please, please tune out those people who try to tell you how easy they were able to navigate through their situations. You are not them and you are allowed to navigate your life in your unique way.

If you read the five year recovery time and it shook you, do not fret. Recovery doesn’t mean you’re sitting in survival mode for five years. Recovery is a gradual process and over time you will find moments of peace, growth, and joy along the way. The key is to keep moving forward, even if it’s at a slow pace. Each of the four events that I referenced at the beginning of this post took their own toll but there have been lots of joyful moments in between. Trust me, I am not sitting in a dazed state of being wondering what in the world happened to me on most days. For the most part I am deciding what my new normal is and deciding how I will move forward. It’s not always easy.

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Handling Multiple Big Challenges Without Losing Your Cool

When everything hits me at once, it’s tempting to crawl under a blanket and ignore the world. And sometimes I do. Yesterday when my migraine hit, I decided that I was going to spend the day resting and that is exactly what I did. But every day can’t be a day of rest so I have found that there are ways to manage the madness without completely losing my mind. Here is what has worked for me.

Practical Tips for Dealing with Life Overload:

1. Prioritize Self-Care Like It’s a Meeting with __________: You fill in the blank with the name of someone you wouldn’t cancel on. Michelle Obama is my person. When I tell you I wouldn’t cancel on Michelle Obama even if I had to literally drag myself there, please believe me. So I keep that same energy for myself, I don’t cancel on myself. I take time to rest, recharge, exercise and eat good food. What is your self care routine that makes you feel good? Even if you have to decrease the time you spend on it, the key is that you don’t skip it. You are far too important. 10 minutes is better than no minutes.
2. Practice Micro-Wins: Instead of only focusing on big goals, celebrate micro-wins throughout the day. Here is an example. Set a timer for 15 minutes and focus on one small task. Whether it’s answering a few emails or making a quick call, these micro-wins create momentum and boost your confidence. For me it’s making the bed. Making the bed gives me a small win when I am feeling overwhelmed and and that small win changes my mood. If I really want to live on the wild side I load or unload the dishwasher. You may chuckle but it is scientifically proven that over time, racking up small victories builds resilience and helps chip away at bigger life challenges. Example: If you’re feeling overwhelmed by a massive project, break it down into bite-sized tasks, but really focus on completing just one task for 15 minutes. That sense of accomplishment from even a tiny step forward can reduce stress and help you regain control.
3. Implement the “Energy Audit”: Every day, ask yourself what tasks, people, or activities are draining your energy, and what’s fueling it. By conducting a mini energy audit, you can adjust your day accordingly. I start my Mondays with a meeting with the person who keeps me on track. I get a hit of dopamine from seeing all I have accomplished and start the week with focus. What works for you? You might realize that a quick walk in the middle of the day recharges you, or that starting your day with a stressful meeting saps your energy for the rest of the afternoon. Make shifts based on what feeds your energy versus what drains it. Example: After your energy audit, maybe you decide to move the tougher tasks to after a recharge break, or schedule important conversations during a time when you have more energy reserves. I do not start or end my day with meetings. I start my day with quiet work that energizes me and I end it by making sure I have responded to all requests. That small shift preserves my energy and allows me to transition from home to work and vice versa in a positive head space.

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Navigating Through the Chaos

Once you’ve recognized you’re in a life quake, it’s time to stop pretending everything’s fine and start navigating through the storm.

Step 1: Acknowledge and Accept

I know, I know—this sounds like therapy talk, but it works. The first step to moving forward is acknowledging that things are a mess. It’s okay to say, “This sucks, but I’m going to deal with it.” Denial will keep you stuck. Acceptance sets you free. Let me give you an example. While I was recovering I decided that I wanted to work out before my body was ready. I ended up throwing up and having to sit on the gym floor until I could muster the strength to head home. Acknowledging and accepting could look like accepting a new reality. My new reality was to sit myself down for a few more weeks.

Step 2: Lean on Your People

No one gets through a life quake alone. Reach out to your friends, family, or therapist (hey, Bea!) when things get rough. A support system is like your emotional life jacket, and trust me, you’ll need it when the waves start crashing. Sometimes I just call my sister and let her remind me of who I am. The other day my trainer told me that he notices that whenever my life quakes hit me it is followed by a period of leveling up. It was nice to hear his perspective and it changed mine. Now I am looking for the level up. Lol.

Step 3: Self-Care Isn’t Just Baths and Candles

I know that mindfulness and self-care have become the new buzzwords of our time, but the thing is, they aren’t just buzzwords; they’re essential tools that help you to navigate the quakes. Here are two that work for me:

1. Create a “Joy List” for Instant Pick-Me-Ups: Self-care doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. Make a joy list—a quick go-to list of small, simple things that lift your spirits. It could be a favorite playlist, a five-minute dance break, or stepping outside for fresh air. When life gets overwhelming, instead of just “pushing through,” take a five-minute break to pick something from your joy list. These mini moments of joy can recharge you more than you think.

• Example: Feeling frazzled? Pull up that “90s R&B” playlist or watch a funny video. The point is to spark joy in tiny doses throughout the day to keep your mood up and energy steady.

2. Schedule a “Mind Dump” Session: Your mind is like a closet—when it gets too cluttered, it doesn’t function as it was designed to function. It needs a clear-out. So find a time where you can focus, and schedule a weekly “mind dump”. You literally take 10 minutes to write down every worry, thought, or to-do that’s clogging up your mental space. This isn’t about finding solutions right away—it’s about clearing the clutter. By getting it all on paper, you free up cognitive space and reduce that constant feeling of being overwhelmed.

• Example: On Sunday evenings, grab a notebook and our favorite beverage, and just let it all out. Once you’ve dumped your thoughts, pick one or two things you want to prioritize for the week, and let the rest wait for later.

Rebuilding After the Quake: Time to Thrive

The thing about life quakes is that they shake up a lot of things. You might notice changes in relationships, changes in goals, changes in desires, etc. Here is the good news, once the dust settles, you get to to start putting your life back together—but with a new and improved foundation.

Set New Goals That Fit Your New Life

After the chaos, your priorities might have shifted, and that’s okay! Take some time to figure out what really matters to you now. What do you want your life to look like going forward?

• Reflect on What You Want: Grab a notebook (or open a voice memo) and start jotting down the things that feel important to you now. I do this with my vision board because the visuals work best for me.
• Set Achievable Goals: Make your goals audacious and then make the tasks bite sized. If you want to own a conglomerate. Start by researching how to start your first company, that’s an achievable task. If you want to write a novel write a short story, that’s an achievable task. Make progress toward your big goal and celebrate every single win, no matter how small.
• Stay Flexible: Here is the thing that we now know – life quakes will happen to most if not all of us. Expect them by always having a plan B. This way if life throws another curveball, you don’t have to panic – you can pivot because you prepared for this. We’re pros at this now, right?

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Turning Your Mess into Your Message

Life quakes have a funny way of teaching you things about yourself you didn’t even know, and let’s face it sometimes you don’t want to know. What if you used this time of adversity to grow?

Growth Mindset FTW:

• Learn from the Mess: Every challenge brings lessons. Maybe you learned you’re stronger than you thought, or maybe you realized you need better boundaries. Or if you are like me you remove limiting beliefs. During my recovery I learned that I too can grow plants and that I actually enjoy it. Who knew? The point is you can use the aftermath of the life quake as a time to grow toward the best version of you.
• Seek Out New Opportunities: Don’t be afraid to try something new. Maybe it’s a new hobby or learning a new skill—whatever it is, let this be a fresh start. Well since we already talked about the plants, the new thing I started leaning into was social media. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t love it, but it helps me get my message out to more people. I have learned so much about how to make reels and post stories on Instagram. Now I am learning TikTok.

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Long-Term Strategies for Resilience

Once you’ve survived one life quake, you know it’s only a matter of time before the next one hits. But this time, you’ll be ready.

• Emotional Intelligence is Your Superpower: Learn to recognize your emotions and control them—don’t let them control you. What do I mean by that? Learn what your triggers are and what you need to get yourself back to a centered place when you are triggered. Get curious about why certain things hit you the way they do. Also try having empathy for yourself and others and practice in the good times so that you build muscle memory for the challenging times.
• Flexible Thinking: Things will change. You will adapt. Being open to new ideas and shifting your perspective will make life’s curve balls easier to manage. Remember that change is the only constant and remind yourself of all the other times that you have successfully adapted and what you put in place to help with the transition. You have already done hard things and you can do this too.
• Never Stop Learning: Life is a constant growth journey. Keep learning, keep growing, and keep becoming the best version of yourself. I wouldn’t opt for a bike accident in order to grow, but as a result of a bike accident I am a kinder, gentler, and more thoughtful person. I like new me, especially the clarity with which I can see things now.

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You’ve Got This

Life quakes can knock you down, but they can’t keep you there, you have to choose to stay down. You are more resilient, stronger than you know, and more capable than you give yourself credit for. You can turn this chaos into growth and come out on the other side with a renewed sense of purpose. You just have to decide to do the work.

So, what’s next for you? Take a deep breath, set one small goal, and keep moving forward. You’ve got this. Share your thoughts and how you’re bouncing back in the comments below, and don’t forget to follow me for more tips on navigating life’s ups and downs with grace and maybe a little sass. If this resonated with you, hit that like button, share with someone who needs it, subscribe and follow me on Instagram for more on how to keep moving forward—even when life throws everything at you. Ready to reclaim your peace and don’t know how? You can always set up a strategy session with me. It’s complimentary and helping others brings me so much joy.