Unlearning “Sorry”

How Black and Latinx Women Are Reclaiming Power at Work

Let’s talk about a tiny five-letter word that packs a heavy punch: sorry.

Not the “I bumped into you in the hallway” kind of sorry.

Not even the “I made a mistake” kind of sorry.

We’re talking about the “I’m sorry for existing too loudly, asking for too much, or simply taking up space in this meeting” kind of sorry.

If you’re a high-achieving Black or Latinx woman in the workplace, chances are “sorry” has become part of your daily vocabulary. It’s the buffer before a bold idea. The disclaimer before a valid request. The unnecessary apology before setting a boundary.

You’re not alone.

The Conditioning is Real

Let’s be clear: This isn’t about politeness. This is about survival. Many of us were taught—explicitly or through experience—that showing up confidently could be perceived as arrogance. Advocating for yourself could label you “difficult.” Asking a question the wrong way could put a target on your back.

So, we softened our edges.

We learned to shrink our power with a smile.

We packaged our brilliance into palatable forms—ways that wouldn’t threaten the status quo.

And what better tool for that than “sorry”? It’s been the great diluter of our strength. The perfect word to soothe, to preempt backlash, and to stay safe.

But here’s the truth: safety and silence are not the same as leadership.

A Meeting of Two Selves

I once coached a brilliant Afro-Caribbean educator who was stepping into a senior leadership role. Let’s call her Nina.

In meetings, she’d pitch smart, strategic ideas—but start every sentence with “Just a thought…” or “I could be wrong, but…”

She didn’t realize this habit until we replayed one of her presentations. Watching herself introduce every idea hesitantly, soften insights with qualifiers, and slip apologies in like punctuation, a realization settled in.

After a pause, Nina looked at me and said, “Why am I apologizing for knowing what I know?”

It wasn’t her ideas that needed fixing. It was her belief that they needed softening to be received.

Decoding Our Language

Every unnecessary “sorry” is code for something deeper:

• “Sorry for taking up your time.” → “I don’t feel entitled to be heard.”
• “Sorry if this is obvious.” → “I’ve been penalized for curiosity before.”
• “Sorry I couldn’t get to this sooner.” → “I feel guilt for being human.”

“Sorry” has become the code-switching cloak for high-achieving women of color. And it’s heavy.

Let’s Rewrite the Script

You don’t need to bulldoze your way into every conversation, but you also don’t need to keep shrinking to be digestible. Let’s practice some empowering alternatives:

Instead of: “Apologies for the delay…”
Try: “Thank you for your patience.”

Instead of: “Just wanted to add something quickly…”
Try: “I’d like to offer another perspective.”

Instead of: “I hate to interrupt…”
Try: “Do you have a moment?”

Instead of: “Just a quick comment…”
Try: “Here’s a quick thought to consider.”

Instead of: “I should have mentioned this earlier…”
Try: “I’ve had some time to reflect and would like to share my thoughts now.”

Instead of: “If this question seems basic…”
Try: “I’d appreciate some clarity on this point.”

Instead of: “I wasn’t able to finish sooner…”
Try: “Thanks for understanding; here’s my completed work.”

Instead of: “Can I quickly jump in here?”
Try: “I’d like to jump in here with a quick point.”

These aren’t just edits—they’re mindset shifts. By replacing hesitant phrases with clear, confident communication, you’re stepping away from outdated scripts and toward powerful, authentic expression.

Be Gentle With Yourself

Listen—this isn’t about banning “sorry” overnight. It’s about noticing when and why it appears. Pause and ask, “Is this apology necessary, or just familiar?”

Reclaiming your voice isn’t a performance.

It’s a practice.

Catch yourself?

Smile, breathe, and try again. Unlearning is its own form of self-leadership.

Your Power Needs No Apology

You’ve earned your seat at the table—not because someone did you a favor, but because you bring unique value and insight.

Next time “sorry” tries to sneak in, remember:

✨ Your voice isn’t a disruption. It’s a contribution. ✨

You don’t need to apologize for your power.

You are the moment. Speak like it.

Ready to reclaim your power and transform your leadership style? Join our community today and step into your voice with confidence!