self-esteem

A Guide Inspired by Dr. Christina Hibbert’s This Is How We Grow Hey there, beautiful! It’s time to elevate your sense of self-worth. Rest assured, whenever I encourage you to take action, I always provide practical steps. Firstly, I drew inspiration for this post from Dr. Christina Hibbert’s book, This Is How We Grow. She makes a fascinating differentiation between self-esteem and self-love, and I am here for it. She defines self-esteem as our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about ourselves and self-worth as an unshakable understanding that we are valuable, lovable, essential to this life, and of immeasurable worth. She believes that we can have “high self-esteem,” meaning that we can acknowledge our skills, yet still not be entirely convinced of our lovability and worth. When I read that I felt like she was ‘strumming my pain with her fingers and singing my life with her words’, to quote Roberta Flack and Lauryn Hill. That made so much sense to me, because I was always clear that I was smart and able to rack up accolades, but I did not always feel valuable and worthy. So to say this resonated with me was an understatement. As if my mind was not blown enough, she went on to talk about the fact that self-esteem can’t be sustained or even be effective if we do not have a sense of self-worth. So her whole vibe is, let’s stop worrying about self-esteem and let’s look at self-worth. She created a pyramid for achieving self-worth and names the key elements of self-worth as self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-love. So let’s get into it and you know me there will be a smidge of humor, a dash of sass, and whole lot of concrete ways to increase our self-worth so that we can increase our mental fitness. 1. Self-Awareness: Reflect and Shine Let’s begin at the beginning. In order to be self-aware you have to be willing to see yourself for who you really are – the good, the bad, and the ugly. And who amongst us does not have some ugly tucked away in the back of our closets? So it’s nothing to be ashamed of, own it. Do you like to cuss like a sailor? Own it. Or maybe you sneakily like to watch other peoples’ calamity. Own it. The point is not to judge yourself but to really know yourself. And not just your social self, the self we present to world, it’s important to know your essential self. The one that probably never sees the light of day but is who you really are deep down inside. Listen, you will never see this but I suck my tongue when I am falling asleep. I don’t care if you judge me, it soothes me and it is what I do. Self-awareness is knowing all the pieces that make you, you. Your strengths, your areas of growth, your talents, your skills, your abilities, your mistakes, the things that you can’t do but wish you could (Is singing on your list? It’s on mine but it remains a wish.), and the things you have zero interest in ever learning (Fishing, if I never learned how to fish it would still be too soon). The goal of self-awareness is seeing the whole picture—flaws, fabulousness, and all. If the thought of this causes you to break out in hives, take a deep breath and consider some of these activities. Practical Ways to Boost Your Self-Awareness: 2. Self-Acceptance: Embrace Your Whole Self When you become truly familiar with your self it’s time to accept all your parts. Yes the cellulite and soft belly need acceptance too. And that body part that you think isn’t your best body part, it needs acceptance too. And those mistakes you made, they need acceptance too. Because accepting the pieces that you aren’t the most proud of, means you aren’t discounting any of your parts that make you, you; and owning that you don’t need to be perfect, you just need to be your best you. Listen this one is deeply resonant for me cause I remember hating my dark skin, my full nose and my full lips when I was younger and by doing the work I am suggesting below, ya girl’s favorite lipsticks are now two bold colors by The Lip Bar – Bawse Lady and Rich Auntie. It didn’t happen overnight but over time I learned to love all of me. Does that mean I don’t still try to get rid of the muffin top, heck nah. I love me and I want to be my healthiest me and I know that muffin top could increase my health risk factors. So here are some things that work for me. Steps to Foster Self-Acceptance: 3. Self-Love: The Ultimate Love Affair The third and final component is self-love! This is where you treat yourself like the gem you are. Self-love means nurturing and caring for yourself, being kind to yourself, and allowing love to flow in and out of your life. And if you are unsure about this remember that gems are formed under pressure and aren’t always flawless. E.g. did you know that rubies are generally rarer than most diamonds? But because more people want diamonds, diamonds are generally more expensive. Let that sit in your spirit for a minute. Curate Your Self-Love: Conclusion Ok. So there you have it. If you want to learn more I would recommend grabbing Dr. Christina Hibbert’s This Is How We Grow. Remember, enhancing your self-awareness, embracing self-acceptance, and cultivating self-love, will help you to free your essential self from its prison of social norms and and shine brighter than ever. Start today and watch your self-worth multiply exponentially. Let me know if any of the steps above work for you. If you found this content helpful, please like, share, comment and subscribe. Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram, and if you or someone you know needs coaching, a speaker or a podcast