Permission to Shine: How to Stop Waiting for External Validation

Here’s a truth bomb for you: waiting for other people to validate your greatness is like waiting for weak Wi-Fi to connect during a Zoom call—you’ll be sitting there forever, frustrated, and buffering. Please stop. It’s time to quit refreshing the page and start walking in your brilliance.

Breaking news: Your brilliance doesn’t need a stamp of approval to exist. You’ve got the sauce, the sparkle, and the stamina to shine, just as you are. When you stop waiting for validation, you’re not just freeing yourself—you’re rewriting the rules for everyone watching.

But if I am being honest—stepping into your light isn’t always easy, especially when you’ve been conditioned to look outward for approval. The good news? You already have everything you need to validate yourself. And you know me, I’m not going to tell you to do something without telling you how. So here are five practical ways to stop waiting and start shining:

1. Understand Your Shine is Enough

Let’s agree to this, you do NOT need anyone to nod in approval for you to glow. What are you an iPhone update that requires confirmation to proceed? Nope! Think about Beyoncé—do you think she pauses her day waiting for someone to tell her she’s amazing? Probably not. She probably has to pump herself up every day before she even picks up her phone. The bottom line is every one has an opinion, and solicited or not some of people are inclined to share without regard for how it makes the other person feel. So when you need a boost try doing a mirror talk. What is a mirror talk? Glad you asked.

Activity: The Mirror Talk
Instead of just saying affirmations, make saying them a whole performance. Stand in front of your mirror, strike a power pose (bonus points if it’s diva-style and ends with a finger snap), and say: “I am the main character, the plot twist, and the happy ending. Watch me thrive.” You might feel silly at first, but soon, you’ll start believing it—and honestly, it’s cheaper than therapy. But of course if mine is too over the top for you, draft your own. But the point is that you embody your power while saying it.

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2. Stop Outsourcing Your Confidence

Ok so can we also agree that handing over your self-worth to other people is like letting a stranger babysit your dream bag—risky and unnecessary. I would never do that, would you? Not my good bag that I paid my hard earned coins for. No sir. Well here’s the thing, waiting for your boss to compliment your work or your family to notice you’ve been thriving is just as unthinkable. Stop that. You don’t need other people to celebrate you, do it yourself.

Example: Instead of waiting for someone else to recognize that you killed that presentation, throw yourself a “meeting MVP” party. Grab a cupcake, play your favorite hype song, and tell a friend, “Girl, I was on fire today!” Make celebrating yourself a reflex. You will feel so much better. I promise you. The point is tell yourself you did well when you do well. Don’t downplay your accomplishments. And if someone happens to tell you, you did well. Say, “Thank you.” Do Not Downplay your efforts.et’s keep it real

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3. Flip the Script on Negative Self-Talk

I know I am not the only one that has an internal troll living in my head that loves to pop up with shady commentary without being summoned. Internal thoughts like, “You’re not smart enough,” or “Who do you think you are?” can be attributed to my internal troll. But trolls belong under bridges, not in your head. So try this, serve them an eviction notice and replace them with something that better serves you.

Activity: Give your inner critic a name (I told you I named mine) —and then invite them to rest. When that voice starts chirping, I respond like this: “Oh, Judy (that’s my judgy voice’s name) you’re back? Listen I need you to go sit down and let me handle this.” Then I take nine deep breaths to center myself, and say something to myself that I would say to my fourteen year old niece. And that shuts Judy right down. I deserve kindness and I find that turning my inner critic into a character not only makes it less intimidating but also lets me take control of the narrative. We all have some unhelpful commentary on our performance or personality rattling around in our heads. But just because you let it in, it doesn’t mean you have to let it take control. Tell it to be quiet, and talk nice to yourself.

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4. Celebrate Without Apology

I remember being told I was too loud, too much, too intimidating. And for a while when I was younger I tried to shrink myself to fit in. But the thing is, I am a jack in the box, I wasn’t designed to fit in, I was designed to stand out. So if someone told you to shrink yourself to make others comfortable, please return that bad advice to the sender. The truth is, your shine doesn’t take anything away from anyone else—it just makes the whole room brighter. So here’s what you can do instead. Every time, and I do mean every single time, you win, whether big or small, celebrate. Celebrations don’t have to be extravagant, so don’t use my blog as a reason for a shopping spree. Celebrations can be as small as a dance party or as large as a dinner party, but in the event that you didn’t catch the hint, the operative word is party. Celebrate you, you will feel so good and you won’t be sitting around waiting for anyone else’s approval. The truth is Dr. Seuss had it right, the people that mind don’t matter, and the people that matter don’t mind.

Concrete Example: Got a promotion? Don’t just text your bestie—host a mini dance party with a playlist titled “Boss Moves Only.” And when someone tries to downplay your success, give them a warm smile and sweetly say, “Oh, this is just the beginning. Stay tuned and watch me while I glow.”

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5. Practice ‘Shine-First’ Thinking

Here’s the mindset glow-up: Stop worrying about what other people think of you. Instead, ask yourself, “Did I bring my best self to this?” Shift the focus from external opinions to internal pride. Because I have told you this before, what other people think of you is rarely any of your business. And anyway, who knows you better than you.

Activity: The 3-Word Wrap-Up
After any big moment—a presentation, a meeting, even a difficult conversation—describe how you showed up in three powerful words. For example, “Prepared, Bold, Kind.” It’s a quick and effective way to validate yourself without waiting for anyone else to chime in. After I post this blog, my three words will be Clear, Fun, Informative.

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Permission Granted: Now Go Shine
The truth is your light isn’t just for you—it’s an invitation for others to rise, too. I firmly believe we all have purpose and by stepping boldly into your brilliance, you’re creating a ripple effect of confidence and authenticity. You’re not just breaking old patterns; you’re building a legacy of self-validation that’s unstoppable.

So, step into your light. The world’s been waiting, and honestly, you’re the plot twist it didn’t know it needed. Let them watch, let them wonder, and most importantly, let them be inspired. Your glow doesn’t wait, and neither should you.

Ready to turn your shine into a movement? Start by grabbing our limited-edition 2025 planner, designed to help you 10X your peace and productivity while staying unbothered.

And don’t miss my first book, Sacred Serenity, available on Amazon starting December 9. I created this to celebrate the strength, resilience, and boundless potential of Black women. It is filled with practical tools for mental fitness, self-love, and self-actualization, and features stunning photos that showcased the beauty and power of Black women. To me Sacred Serenity is more than a book, it’s a reminder of the greatness Black women carry in them everyday.

I hope you grab yourself a copy, and a copy for someone else in your circle. I am super proud of this work and I hope it helps you to thrive.

Stay tuned, and watch me while I glow!