Growing Sideways

This tree is still growing. It has been growing like this for as long as I have lived here. I am not sure how it ended up on its side, but here it is, growing, on its side. I am not sure why nobody picked the tree up, propped it up and supported it to grow straight. But it seems like the tree was determined to survive and figured out how to do it. There are times when I look at this tree and I see a story of survival. But most times when I look at this tree, I see a lack of care and support. Maybe I am too emotional about a palm tree, that is growing in spite of. But I think it makes me mad when I think that someone could have intervened to help this tree grow upright. With a bit of effort or interest it wouldn’t be growing on its side.

I used to be like this tree, growing in an unnatural way, just focused on survival. I was living with illness and accepting it as normal because I was so focused on survival. I adjusted my diet in the hopes of feeling better. It worked for a while and then I had to adjust some more, and so the cycle began. I adjusted and felt better for a period of time, then the adjustments stopped working and I had to adjust some more. None of the doctors could tell me what was wrong and so I adjusted my expectations of health and resigned myself to living with the symptoms.

I wish I could say that I got sick of growing sideways and finally took action. But that’s not what happened. It took an escalation of symptoms for me to even begin conceptualizing a life without the adjustments. I had become comfortable with growing sideways and had stopped even attempting to thrive.

Uggghhhhh!!!! I am so disgusted even thinking about this. But I won’t dwell on the past. The thing is, I am not alone. There are so many people moving through the world growing sideways.

There is nothing wrong with trying to survive or adjusting to survive, but it is the death of a desire to thrive that I find dangerous. It led me to settle for something less than I wanted. All while subconsciously knowing I deserved more. I had just become so accustomed to being uncomfortable that it became my norm. Please don’t do this. Survival has its place, but its only a stage. It doesn’t have to become a parking space. So if you are out there and you are settling for the adjustment, give yourself the care and concern that you need to thrive.

To be clear, I am still not all the way upright, I still lean a bit but I am most definitely not growing sideways. And for those who will be tempted to remind me that the tree is in a beautiful place and its still alive, all of that is true AND it is still growing unnaturally.