Committee in My Head (cont’d.)

Ok so let me begin with an apology. I told you on April 17, that I would introduce you to the rest of the committee in my head the following week. Well what had happened was…(just kidding). What happened was that my brain is healing which means there are times when I have to rest more than usual. In the last three weeks I have had to rest and stay off screens more and that means I had to deprioritize my blog. So I did.

Thankfully, I am feeling better and I am back. So onward we go. Here is part two of the committee in my head. Grab your favorite beverage or snack and let’s chat.

In addition to my protective posse that I shared with you back in April, I also have a group of thrivers that reside in my head. They help to pull me back from the edge when I follow one of the protectors down a rabbit hole. They help me to restore my peace when I experience an unexpected disruption. They quite frankly help me to be the best version of myself. When they are in the driver’s seat I am less judgmental of me and others, and that is always a good thing. Let me introduce you to them.

• First there is Curious Carla. Honestly she is one of my favorites. Carla approaches everything with curiosity. She tries to ask questions before she makes a judgment call. She sees all problems and challenges as questions to be explored. Let me give you an example. When I am at work, if something goes wrong instead of letting Judith take over with blaming or being ticked off, Carla nudges me to ask questions. But not loaded questions like, “Who did this?” Her questions are formed out of genuine curiosity. She will prompt me to ask questions like, “What is the reason that this happened? What is the root cause? Who does this impact? How can we fix this effectively and efficiently?” Trust me when you experience me showing up with that level of genuine curiosity, that is all Carla.
• Then there is Gracious Gabriella. Gabriella is all empathy. When things go wrong, Gabriella feels all her feels, but she always remembers that we are all flawed and she resets herself to a place of empathy. But don’t get me wrong, Gabriella is not a push over. She will lovingly remind you of her boundaries if you cross them, but not in a way that decimates you like Judith would. Gabriella is genuinely focused on seeing the best in others and responding to them from that lens. Gabriella is on deck when I am out and about in my very southern town and someone commits a micro-aggression. Gabriella reminds me that their ignorance is actually pitiable, and allows me to kindly reset them and go on about my merry way.
• Creative Crystal. You are currently experiencing Crystal’s influence. She unleashes my creative energy and encourages me to express it in a variety of ways. She isn’t interested in being a victim or playing the blame game. She is most interested in finding a path forward and does that as creatively as she needs to. Crystal’s creativity can be found in a variety of scenarios from solving a problem, creating a website, writing, creating a meal, or putting an outfit together. Most recently it has been found in me rearranging my life which I shared in Crashing Into Peace.
• Purpose Driven Pearl. Pearl is clear on what she wants to accomplish before her time on earth is up. So she makes good and sure that if she is spending her time and energy on something it is directly aligned to her purpose. Pearl is not accepting an invitation, taking a job, purchasing an item, or spending time with a person if it is misaligned. She will politely decline and spend her time doing something more aligned. And it’s not that she thinks she is better than anyone, she just understands that energy is not infinite, and she prefers to spend hers in a way that uplifts her and others.
• Finally there is Passionate Petra. Petra and Pearl get along really well. Pearl identifies the purpose and guards the time and Petra makes sure whatever I set my mind to gets done. But what is great about Petra is that she doesn’t make it about the outcome. Her drive is more focused on the experience. So take this blog. Right now there aren’t a lot of subscribers. Judith and Odette would like me to pull out all the stops to make it more popular. But Petra is more invested in the joy I get from doing this. She is confident and calm. If I am being honest, I named her after a person that I miss dearly who always appeared serene even in the midst of a storm.

That is it. That is the committee in my head. At any given moment of my day, I could be trying to calm one of the protectors down, so that a thriver could take first position. It takes practice to keep the protectors calm, but it is worth it. I didn’t enjoy always feeling annoyed, exhausted, afraid, or like a victim. I enjoy my day so much more and I feel centered when the thrivers are in control.

There was a time when I felt like there was a hole in my soul that I could not fill, but leaning into my curiosity, grace, passion, purpose and creativity I have gotten that hole to shrink. It isn’t gone yet. It takes work. Leaning into my thrivers has shifted my focus from what I have acquired, or earned, or about other peoples’ recognition. My focus now is on my joy and on making sure that I leave others better than I found them. It takes work though, daily work, and honestly sometimes minute by minute work. But the payoff is worth it. At the end of the day I am no longer replaying interactions either ashamed of the way I thoroughly destroyed someone with my words, or feeling like I was victimized. I am in control now and in a way that allows me to be proud of who I am, while making space for other people to be authentic.

So there, I have bared my soul to you in the hopes that this frees you in some way. Chocolate serenity for me is about a mindset of peace, liberation and joy. There is so much that women, especially women of color, are socialized and traumatized into enduring that simply waking up can leave us feeling weighted down. Whether what weighs us down is familiar or genuinely unique to each of us, there are ways that we can put them down. We just don’t always know how. For me, this is what helps. If you think this can help someone else, please share it with them. The goal is for us all to get to our version of chocolate serenity.

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Have a great day.