A Guide for Black Women
In the recent US presidential election, democrats won in states in different regions of the country where Kamala Harris lost, while they upheld the same policies. For me the only difference is her race and as a Black woman this has affirmed a few things for me. One, no one is coming to save me and I must do it myself. Two, Black women continue to be held to an unbelievably high standard while simultaneously met with little and often no care. Three, I will no longer sacrifice myself and my needs, instead I will focus on providing myself the level of care I deserve. So this post is specifically about women who look like me. I think there is value for all women because invisible work is generally the condition of all women. But this post is dedicated to Black women because that is the experience I know and can speak to with authority.
Black women suffer from a quiet epidemic that is not discussed or recognized. It is the invisible labor that Black women carry every single day. It’s the unpaid, unrecognized work we do to keep our families, communities, and workplaces running. This kind of labor doesn’t come with a paycheck or a thank you, but it takes up space in our minds and drains our energy. Today, we’re breaking down why it’s time to say no to this invisible work and how you can start reclaiming your time and prioritizing rest. Because, sis, we deserve better.
What Is Invisible Labor?
Invisible labor is all the work you do that no one notices or acknowledges. It’s the small tasks you handle automatically, the emotional support you provide without question, and the extra responsibilities you take on because it’s just expected. For Black women, it’s compounded by cultural expectations and the “strong Black woman” trope. We’ve been conditioned to be caretakers, problem-solvers, and peacemakers, but at what cost?
Examples of invisible labor include:
- Taking on extra projects at work because you don’t want to seem uncooperative.
- Being the emotional sounding board for family and friends without ever asking for help in return.
- Handling the bulk of household duties, even when you’re just as busy as everyone else.
This kind of labor is exhausting, and it’s time we start calling it out for what it is: unpaid work that drains our energy and takes away from the things we want (and need) to do for ourselves.
Why Do We Keep Taking It On?
Let’s be real: saying no is hard. We’ve been taught to put everyone else first, to be selfless and strong. The “strong Black woman” narrative runs deep—it’s in our culture, it’s what we’ve seen our mothers and grandmothers do, and it’s what’s expected of us. But here’s the thing: strength isn’t about taking on more than you can handle. Real strength is knowing your limits and setting boundaries before you hit them.
We keep taking on invisible labor because:
- We fear judgment: We don’t want to be seen as selfish, lazy, or uncaring.
- It’s ingrained in us: We’ve been taught from a young age that our worth is tied to how much we can do for others.
- We don’t know another way: For many of us, this is how we’ve survived, and it feels normal—even when it’s burning us out.
It’s time to flip the script. We deserve a life that isn’t just about surviving but thriving, and that starts with saying no.
The High Cost of Invisible Labor
When we keep taking on invisible work, it doesn’t just affect our time—it affects our health, our relationships, and our overall well-being. Constantly carrying the weight of everyone else’s needs can lead to:
- Burnout: Emotional exhaustion and feeling like you’re running on empty.
- Resentment: Holding in feelings of frustration that can strain your relationships.
- Health Issues: High levels of stress can lead to chronic conditions like hypertension, anxiety, and depression.
The cost is too high, and it’s not worth sacrificing your well-being for the sake of maintaining an image or meeting expectations that were never yours to begin with.
How to Say No to Invisible Labor and Reclaim Your Time
1. Recognize the Invisible Work You’re Doing
Take a moment to list all the little tasks and responsibilities you’ve taken on this week. I’m talking about everything—from sending that reminder email at work that wasn’t your job to planning family dinners. Seeing it all laid out will help you realize just how much extra labor you’ve been doing without acknowledgment. I remember my male manager once telling me that I didn’t take initiative when I had quietly picked up all the work he was not doing.
2. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them
The word “no” is a complete sentence. You don’t have to justify it or explain it away. I do recommend saying it matter of factly and repeating it often. I wrote a whole post about how to do that on .Start small if you need to: “No, I can’t take on that project.” “No, I’m not available to help with this event.” The more you practice, the easier it gets. Remember, setting boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s self-preservation. If you think of your energy as an account that needs deposits to balance every withdrawal. For every time you choose to invest your energy, you have to balance that with a deposit.
3. Delegate, Delegate, Delegate
If you’re used to handling everything yourself, delegating can feel foreign. But trust me, it’s time to start sharing the load. Whether it’s at home, at work, or in community settings, find tasks that you can pass on to others whether by outsourcing or bartering. You don’t have to do it all. There are laundry services, food delivery services, home cleaning services you literally can outsource some of this stuff. I grew up in a culture where having help in the home for women who worked outside of the home was normalized. Trying to do it all is completely foreign to me and I thoroughly reject it. I would rather not go to brunch every week or buy a new bag and pay for some one to clean the house. It brings me joy.
4. Reframe Your Idea of Strength
Strength doesn’t mean handling everything on your own. It means knowing when to rest, when to ask for help, and when to say no. Let go of the idea that your worth is tied to your productivity or your ability to carry everyone’s burdens. That is a lie that we have been fed and we continue to buy in to. The bottom line is that the more we carry, the more people will expect us to carry. They are being selfish, we are being martyrs. And our bodies aren’t built for that and it results in disease, depression and a general dissatisfaction with our lives. I heard a woman on the socials talking about how she didn’t recognize herself after seventeen years of marriage. Yeh because everything that she had ingested that defined a great marriage was causing her to sacrifice her identity. My answer is a hard no. You are worthy simply because you exist and if you have to sacrifice who you are, that isn’t a healthy place for you.
5. Make Rest a Priority (and Don’t Feel Guilty About It)
Rest isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. Schedule it into your day like you would any other appointment. I am serious put it on your calendar. And when someone tries to infringe on that time, hold the line. Rest is your birthright, and you don’t have to earn it by working yourself to the bone. I work in non-profit and the culture is to eat at our desks while we work. I have stopped that. I schedule my lunch, and even though I work from home, I move away from my desk, eat my lunch and listen to a book or a podcast or some music to replenish my energy. There are no awards being given for sacrificing our rest, but there are plenty of hospital beds and caskets being given for those sacrifices. Save yourself.
How to Create Space for Rest
Let’s be real: telling yourself to rest is one thing, but actually doing it is another. Here are some practical steps to make rest a part of your routine:
- Create a “No Work Zone” in your schedule. Pick a day or even just a few hours each week where you refuse to take on any extra tasks—no work, no favors, no errands. My day is Sunday. Whatever you ask me to do on Sunday is generally a gentle and pleasant but hard no.
- Unplug and Disconnect from social media and technology for a while. Give your brain a break from the constant noise and demands for your attention. I am not super good at this because I listen to books on my iPad, but I close the iPad and just listen because there is no reason to watch the screen.
- Make Rest Ritualistic: Light a candle, put on your favorite playlist, and create a space that feels sacred and soothing. Turn rest into a ritual you look forward to, not just a moment of exhaustion. I unplug around 8 PM and nestle into bed with my audio book. This is my routine, I leave my phone in the kitchen on the charger, turn on my diffuser on, put my sleep mask on Yes I have an eye mask, I am bougie – but you knew that), turn on my book and shut it down for the night.
Final Thoughts: Rest Is Revolutionary
Ladies, we’ve been taught to be strong, but strength doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself. It means knowing when to put the load down and take a breath. It’s time to say no to the invisible labor that’s been holding us back from fully enjoying our lives. You are allowed to rest. You deserve to rest. And rest isn’t just resistance—it’s a revolution. If this post spoke to you, share it with a friend who needs to hear this message. And believe me there are many Black women that need to hear this message. Let’s start normalizing rest and reclaiming our time. Comment below with one thing you’re saying “no” to this week, and let’s hold each other accountable. And don’t forget to follow me on Instagram for more real talk about finding peace and joy in the midst of it all. Now go get some rest.
