Lately I have been hearing a lot of folks say they’re stressed out. I am going to say an unpopular thing. Challenges are a given, stress is optional. Before you log off hear me out. Don’t read this with a judgy tone. Go grab your favorite snack and then read when the endorphins kick in.
Ok. Here we go.
From the time we are born we receive messaging that tells us how and who to be. Don’t do this.
Do that.
Be more of this, or less of that.
Don’t get me wrong.
A lot of it is necessary so that we remain safe as children. But the thing is, that if we allow that to be our modus operandi as adults, eventually we lose touch with our essential selves. You know the person you were as a child – that is if your childhood was not marred by trauma. Free and inquisitive and full of wonder.
As we are socialized into conforming and behaving and meeting expectations, we can find our selves living in emotional prisons with no way to escape. This is especially true of folks who are marginalized or traumatized. We learn how to make ourselves fit the expectations that keep us safe. E.g. a child who started off full of wonder and curiosity who experiences harm, may hyperfocus on keeping themselves safe by not being adventurous at all. And while this will likely keep them safe from most things, they slowly become disconnected from who they essentially are which is still curious. But because they believe that their safety and survival depends on consistently stifling that curiosity they work hard to be something other than their natural self.
Living a life incongruous with our natural inclinations creates tension which manifests itself in our minds as anxiety, in our bodies as pain, in our relationships as frustration and host of other things. The beauty of this is that we don’t have to live like this. We can reconnect to our essential selves and slowly and safely return to our natural way of being, which brings balance, and peace and less stress.
So that is why I say that challenges are a given, but stress is optional. To be clear, it is not easy. It requires consistent and committed effort, but it is possible. I have done it. I have witnessed other people do it, and I am currently witnessing other people do it.
What worked for me was healing from the trauma and learning to silence my inner critic. That was huge!!!! I have gone from needing anti-depressants to radiating joy, from needing Xanax to learning how not get emotionally heightened, and from needing sleeping aids to getting the rest I need. I have opted out of stress. Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t easy. But it is possible with consistent effort. E.g. this weekend I dealt with challenges – my air conditioner unit almost caused a fire and one of my kids was in crisis and needed to relocate quickly. Prior to working on myself I would have been stressed. But through it all I remained calm and I was able to experience concern without being hijacked by it. Staying calm allowed me to think clearly and come up with viable solutions instead of acting out of fear.
If you have continued to read to the end and haven’t dismissed this, tell me how you are saying no thank you to stress and preserving your peace.
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I am not trying to hard sell anything or blow up your inbox. I just want to help other women to find what I have found and free themselves and then free their families from persistent and malignant stress. I offer free tips here. I offer group coaching and 1:1 coaching for those who are interested.
