You probably read this title and had some reaction that had you questioning my sanity. I mean is there another way to think of someone who openly admits to having a committee in their head? But in this post I will introduce you to the committee in my head and then invite you to introduce me to yours. I promise you two things, (1) I am relatively sane, and (2) you also have a committee in your head. You may not refer to them as a committee, but I would be willing to bet serious money that they exist. Alright, let’s go. Oh and by the way, no judging me or my committee members and I won’t judge yours either.
Meet My Protective Posse
In my head there are several ‘people’ who have taken up residence over the years. To be clear they live rent free and for the most part and stroll around and share their unsolicited opinions like they own the place. Let me introduce some of them.
- Judgy Judith – She is OPINIONIATED and offers those opinions freely, but she isn’t all bad she has protected me in some potentially dicey situations. That is her job to keep me safe, it is when she doesn’t clock out that she becomes a problem. She wears cat eye glasses and will slide them down her nose to size people up and decide very quickly if she wants to be bothered or not. She also keeps a ‘should’ or a ‘must’ in her pocket for me at all times – not that I need or want them all the time – but she is generous like that. For example, this weekend, I made a mistake which caused an adverse medical reaction. Miss Judith has not stopped reminding me that I ‘shouldn’t’ have done that since Saturday. Insert very appropriate eye roll
- Overachieving Odette – Now she is the one that got me every A that I earned in school and is the one that had me do some of the extra work I did professionally that earned me accolades. So again she is not a problem on a normal day, the problem is that she never takes a vacation. She tries to encourage me to do EVERY thing I attempt to the highest of my abilities. And when I say everything, I mean everything. She is the one who worries about starting sentences with ‘And’ in this blog. She is obsessed with excellence and because I have gotten rewarded for her obsession, I am a kinda obsessed with her, which is where the problems start. Don’t judge me. I’m growing.
- Anxious Abby – Abby’s primary focus is to keep me from being hurt in any way. Abby will go so far as to cause a panic attack if she thinks I am putting myself in harm’s way. And to be clear Abby is very hypervigilant about harm and again, she has kept me safe in some bad situations. She encourages me not to speak my mind for fear of losing relationships. She was unhappy when I decided to learn to swim – after all she believes that I could have drowned. She was definitely not comfortable with me moving to a new city – she was concerned that I didn’t know anyone and that making friends would be hard. I can’t let Abby come out to play all the time, I would never grow or have any fun.
- Avoiding Amber – Amber doesn’t like to do anything that will make her uncomfortable so she ignores it. Amber will help me to ignore the pile of mail that is accumulating without once going through it. She will also be the one to encourage me to ignore the deadlines of things like dental appointments until the last minute cause she knows how much I hate going. Amber is not all bad though, she also helps me to ignore unpleasant people rather than get sucked into their vortex of misery. But Amber is also the reason that the last time I moved I ended up spending hours shredding old mail. Second eye roll. So again I gotta keep an eye on Amber.
- Pity Party Paula – Ah Paula. Paula is the classic victim. Paula is quick to highlight for me when I have been wronged. She is good for reminding me of what isn’t fair and for shifting responsibility from me to other people. Secretly I kinda like her because with her I am guilty of nothing and responsible for nothing. I am being honest. She served me well when I was in situations when I didn’t feel loved. She soothed me in those times, but as you have probably guessed, she is not always helpful. Not surprisingly, she doesn’t get along well with Judith or Odette. Judith definitely has some choice words for her when all I want to do is whine. And Odette is always annoyed that Paula is going to ruin my reputation. But ever so often I let Paula come out to play for a little bit.
There are other protectors that live in my head but they don’t come out to play as often. There is Restless Rhonda who is always looking for the next goal or challenge. She plays well with Odette. Then there is Doting Dolores who is a total people pleaser. She plays nice with Paula because when people don’t reciprocate Paula holds a pity party for me. And there is Overbearing Orla. She gets along well with Judith because she convinces me that if everyone would just do things my way then the world would be a better place. Ummm no judging – remember?
Now, this posse aren’t the only tenants in my head. I’ve got a whole team of thrivers in there too. They’re the ones who talk some sense into the overprotective ones and convince them it’s time to chill out. Don’t get me wrong, the protectors did their job back in the day when I needed them. I probably wouldn’t have the degrees or career I have without them, so I give them props for that. But, for the most part I’ve outgrown their services. So, I’ve had to master the art of acknowledging their hard work and finding new work for them to do. They’re a sneaky bunch, though. Every time I think they’ve packed up and gone on to their new roles, they find their way back to their old desks and set up shop. The good news is, I’m the boss and so every time they sneak in, me my team of thrivers help me to give them a melatonin and have them take a seat.
If I haven’t freaked you out yet, next week I will introduce you to my thrivers and tell you how they help me. In the meantime, tell me what you think. Who is on the committee in your head? Have you named them? If you aren’t sure about who they here is a great resource to help you identify them – Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine. Here is the important thing to know, the protectors in your head don’t mean you harm. Chances are they have protected you and kept you safe at some important points of your life so don’t demonize them. And the committee in your head doesn’t have to be limited to your protectors, you can invite some thrivers in there too so that you can live your best life.
I hope you no longer think I am left of center, and if you do that’s fine, all I ask is that you think it quietly. Whatever you think, Judith has probably already said. But if you can relate to this, talk back to me in the comments or on Instagram. What resonates?
By the way if you are reading this and you think it will help someone else, drop a like and pass it on. Ultimately my goal is get us to a place of peace so that we all can find our version of chocolate serenity.
Talk soon. Don’t forget to hit the subscribe button.
