Silence can be a valuable and welcome gift. While we all have opinions and thoughts, unless asked directly, in most cases, it is best to keep them to ourselves when folks are making a decision for their lives. There are a few exceptions – if someone will be injured or will injure someone else, speaking up is probably best. But most of us will rarely, if ever, encounter someone who intends to endanger others. So that is the exception. And of course if their decision negatively impacts you.
99.9% of the time, offering your opinion or thoughts on someone’s life choices or decisions is not helpful. And as much as you want to share it, the other person probably doesn’t find it useful. You know that feeling you get when that outspoken older person asks you a question or points out a flaw for the entire room to hear? How you silently wish they would be quiet? That is what happens when you offer your unsolicited opinion. Sure the other person probably smiles and remains polite, but on the inside they are not invested in what you are saying. Trust me.
There are some times when your opinion and thoughts are not only unwelcome, they are downright inappropriate. Here are a few times when you should consider the gift of silence.
When you notice someone’s weight change – increased or decreased. Not your place to comment, if they want you to know they will raise the issue.
When someone is eating. Unless they ask you, don’t comment on their food choice. Especially if you don’t like it or find it unappealing. And Lord, if they cooked it, please be quiet unless you have something positive to say.
When someone is explaining a challenge they are experiencing. Trust me when I tell you they don’t want to hear about the similar thing that happened to you. Not the time.
When someone begins dating a new person. Again, unless asked, ‘drink water and mind your business’. If asked be very thoughtful in your response; remember they chose this person for a reason and apart from a compelling reason of safety, silence may be the best choice.
Other people’s child rearing. Rarely do folks want hear your thoughts on how they are raising their children. Unless it’s impacting you, give the gift of silence. Yes, “it takes a village to raise a child”, but it may take the strength of a village to hold your tongue.
Young people’s choices in general. Don’t forget you probably did some strange things and made some odd choices when you were young too. Give them the space to make some choices of their own as long as its not harming them or anyone.
I am sure I am missing a few but you get the general gist. Feel free to add more in the comments. I remember being taught by grandmother to stay quiet if I didn’t have anything nice to say. I don’t agree with that all the time. There are times when I don’t have nice things to say, and it is important that I say them, because folks are being harmful to me or someone else. But I apply it when it comes to my unsolicited opinions, if I don’t have an unsolicited nice thing to say, I stay quiet. The world is already a rough place no one needs another unnecessary negative thing to manage.
