clapback

Why It’s Often Not Worth It This weekend after weeks of work related stress I finally took a moment to get to the beach which is where I fully relax. I had a great day, my shoulders dropped from around my ears and I was feeling good. When I tell you as soon as I came home I had a hurtful encounter that completely pissed me off, please believe me. All I wanted to do in that moment was clap back. It is only the fact that I know better that kept me from unleashing on the person with the full force of my tongue. So today, I want to focus on that moment when someone hurts you, and all you want to do is unleash your inner clap-back queen. Maybe it was a shady comment, a backhanded compliment, or just straight-up disrespect. Either way, you’re sitting there, heart racing, and the perfect withering comeback is sitting on the tip of your tongue, just begging to be let loose. But then, something in you knows…this isn’t going to help. And with a little disappointment at the momentary glee you would feel from being reckless, you rein your tongue in. Whew!!!!! Being the best version of yourself is not easy. But it’s definitely worth it. Don’t get me wrong. If anyone gets it, I do. When someone comes for you, the natural reaction is to defend yourself, right? I don’t know about you but I have the keen desire to show them that there is one, but I am not the one. But here’s the thing: clapping back might feel good in the moment, but for me it usually leads to regret later on. I replay it in my head and feel badly that what I said or did, is not at all aligned with my goal of being the best version of myself, and more than likely caused harm. Cause there is nothing nice about me when I am in clap back mode. The aftermath is just not worth it. Three things I hate about the aftermath of the clapback: So, what’s the alternative? How do you handle being hurt without letting the clap back energy rule? Here are a few strategies that help me. Please note none of this is easy in the moment, but it helps. When The Clap Back Energy Tries to Come to the Front: The first step is to pause. Yes I said pause. When someone hurts you, that immediate surge of emotion can cloud your judgment. But before you react with the clap back that lays them out in their permanent resting place – take a breath. Give yourself a moment to process what just happened. This isn’t about ignoring your feelings—it’s about giving yourself time to fully understand them so that you can respond thoughtfully. Tip: Count to ten before you say anything or take nine deep slow breaths (which is about 3 mins). You’d be surprised how much clarity comes in those ten seconds or three minutes depending on which you choose. Not every battle is worth fighting. Sometimes, people come at you leaking their own issues and baggage, and it has nothing to do with you. Ask yourself if clapping back will make the situation better or just escalate it. Example: If someone makes a snarky comment at work, think about whether it’s worth engaging. Will it change the situation? Or will it just create more tension? Key Question: Will this matter to me tomorrow, next week, or next year? If the answer is no, it’s probably best to let it go. There’s a difference between reacting out of hurt and responding from a place of strength. When you react, it’s impulsive. But when you respond, you’re in control. It takes a lot of discipline to stay in control. Responding can be silence or a mindful response, but the key is to respond in a way that is true to your highest version of yourself. Tip: If you need to address the situation, try something like, “I didn’t appreciate what you said, and here’s why.” Explain your why, if you choose to, and be clear about what you would prefer in the future. I find that we would rather display anger than admit hurt, but I am trying to be more honest about communicating when I am hurt. That means I now literally tell people when they are being hurtful if I want to maintain a relationship with them. Responding instead of reacting shows you’re not about to let anyone walk over you, but you’re executing the enforcement of your boundaries with grace so that you can be proud of yourself. This is really for you, not the other person. If the emotions are bubbling up and you really want to clap back, find a healthier way to release that energy. My go to’s are calling a friend, or hitting my punching bag. What ever you choose to do, choose something that lets you get the negative emotions out of your system in a way that doesn’t leave you with regret later. Example: I once had a situation where someone said something wild to me at work. I was ready to fire back, and I would have skewered them and I knew it. I chose not to respond. I called my sister fuming and she let me vent. By the end of the conversation, I felt better, I still had my pride and the means by which to pay my bills. That person however was never allowed inside of my safe space again. Clapping back would’ve done more harm than good for me in that moment. And setting boundaries was so much more productive. Tip: Can’t make a quick call? Go sit in your car and record a 5-minute voice memo rant on your phone, then delete it. Trust me, it works wonders for getting the frustration out without causing damage. Sometimes, the best response is no response at all.