Whenever we set out an a journey there is always the possibility that detours or hazards interrupt the journey. Generally we don’t let those detours and hazards prevent us from making the trip. We usually find alternative paths or we go around the roadblocks. Yet when we set out to accomplish a goal, we are more tempted to allow detours and hazards to prevent us from accomplishing our goals.
I can only speak for myself, but hazards, detours and roadblocks are real and ever present, but the times when I turn around are mostly because I am afraid to go forward. So if I am being honest, I was using the detours and hazards as an excuse. I know, I know. But I bet I am not the only one.
I used to be crippled by fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of making a mistake. You name it I was afraid of it. But being afraid wasn’t getting me what I wanted. And I was still not happy. I wasn’t happy doing what I was doing and I was afraid to do something different. Something had to give.
So one day when I was tired of being both afraid to move and unhappy with where I was, I decided to throw caution to the wind and I tried a new thing. And guess what? I failed. Hard. I mean hard. Here’s the abridged version. I was slated to be the principal of a new charter school and at the last minute the school didn’t open. I had already quit my job and told everyone that I was going to lead the school. When it didn’t work out, I was worried and a little embarrassed but surprisingly I wasn’t devastated, just disappointed. And it clicked for me then. Disappointment I could handle and if that is the worst thing that could happen then I was here for it.
So I started trying more new things – applying for roles that I never would have considered myself qualified for, attending events that sent my social anxiety into orbit, even trying new foods. Still, the worst thing that ever happened was that I was disappointed. But disappointment didn’t discourage me. If anything it empowered me to try even more. My motto became the worst that could happen is that it doesn’t work out.
Don’t get me wrong. I take calculated risks. I am not out here bungee jumping off bridges or zip lining across cliffs. I am trying new things; pushing myself out of my comfort zone more and it is paying off. I am less fearful (but still careful). And the best part is that my self-esteem is not damaged at all. To be honest I was surprised by that.
I say all this to say, roadblocks, hazards and detours are a part of the journey but sometimes fear causes us to use them as excuses. What is the journey that you are afraid to begin or continue? What is the narrative that you are telling yourself about why you aren’t starting or why you are stopping? Some times there are legitimate reasons to stop or not start, but if the reason is really because you are afraid, consider this – what would or could happen if you overcame the obstacle. What would it look like? feel like? sound like?
On this journey to chocolate serenity we are not giving fear any wins. Next time we will discuss how to turn your obstacle into your to do list.
