Obstacle? Or to do list?

Setting a goal is a BIG deal. It’s you looking out into the great unknown and agreeing with yourself that you are going to reach for something. And if you are like me, the minute you make that agreement with yourself, life tries you. When that happens I have some choices to make. Do I give in to the obstacles and let them become my excuses? Or do I treat them like an obstacle course and jump, dodge and scale them? It wasn’t something magical that materialized overnight, but I did learn how to turn my obstacles into a to do list.

The first thing I have to do is figure out what I am afraid of. I have to face the big scary monster in my head so I know how to beat it. From my many years in therapy I know what my recurring fears are. You can usually figure out what you are afraid of by asking yourself what is the worst that could happen. For example, I wanted to ride my bike across the 70 foot high bridge, but I had never done it before. I was afraid that I would try, fail, and be humiliated. That may not make sense to those of you reading this, but where I live people older than me ride their bikes across those bridges while smiling and waving. It would be quite embarrassing to be passed by one of them while I was struggling or worse yet, walking and pushing my bike. The shame!!!! Anyway, knowing that my fear was really about being humiliated helped me to decide how I would face it.

When I know what I am afraid of, I can use that to set a goal within my locus of control. In other words, I set the goal as doing something not achieving something. For example, in the bridge example the goal became doing the thing, not what other people would think of me while I was doing the thing. That may seem easy in this scenario, but let’s try it with a different example, like applying for a new role. The goal becomes actually applying, I can control that. I can’t control if I am offered the role or not, but I can control the effort I put in. So, the goal becomes the effort.

With the goal being the effort, I can now make my to do list. With the bike example, riding more and more, for longer and longer, so that I could build my stamina was the to do list. With this blog, getting a word press account, creating the site, finding photos, and writing regularly are some of the things on the to do list. Sometimes having an accountability partner and checking in with them regularly is also on the to do list because that works for me. I firmly believe that your to do list has to be personal to you.

Sometimes fear is real and it saves us from danger. It makes all the sense in the world to be afraid of dangerous situations. But when it is not danger, maybe you can turn those obstacles into a to do list, give fear a run for its money and go after the thing you want to try.

On this journey to chocolate serenity, we are giving fear no wins. Again, I only take calculated risks, meaning I only risk what I am comfortable losing. To date all that I have honestly lost is the fear. What I have gained is confidence, joy and more peace. And although I don’t yet wave on the way up the bridge, at least I am on the bike, not pushing it.