Navigating the Journey

So you have set some boundaries. You got the courage up and told the folks who need to know. Hopefully you have been met with understanding and folks are honoring them. It’s nice if other people honor your boundaries, but truthfully the key person that should honor your boundaries is you. But it is hard, because as we previously discussed in an earlier post it can be both enlightening and lonely. When it gets lonely we often question ourselves and are tempted to roll back the boundary. It’s only natural and we must resist the tendency to be too hard on yourself.

This is a marathon and not a sprint. It’s ok to adjust a boundary or abandon one altogether as long as it is your choice, and you are making it for reasons that you shouldn’t regret. Sometimes you try a boundary and realize that it doesn’t quite fit your need. It may be too harsh or too lenient. That’s ok. Adjust and find what fits. I will say this, setting boundaries across cultural lines or generational lines will probably result in some adjustment.

Its also ok to have customized boundaries for different groups of people. There are privileges that you may want to extend to groups of people that you don’t want to extend to others. That is your choice. Ultimately this journey is about your physical and mental safety and well-being.

If you slip and allow a boundary to be crossed, spend some time reflecting on why you made the allowance. Was it necessary? beneficial? intentional? accidental? Another thing to reflect on is how it made you feel. Whether intentional or accidental how did it feel when you did not honor your own boundary. How much personal capital di you have to forfeit? You may be tempted to judge or beat up on yourself. Resist the urge. This is a change process and change processes aren’t always smooth. Don’t invest in shame about it whether from yourself or someone else. Instead figure out why it happened.

Similarly if you find that you were persuaded or coerced to relax your boundary for someone else’s benefit, please interrogate that. Some folks are deliberately manipulative and some folks are less direct about getting their own way. If you find yourself people pleasing, you will need to uncover why you are invested in pleasing others at your own expense. I will bet that it doesn’t feel good, so be honest with yourself about why you do it.

Setting and maintaining your boundaries is only your responsibility. Other people may vary but you are the one that others will look to when they are determining if they should honor your boundary. On the other hand, no prizes will be handed out for sticking to a boundary that no longer serves you.

Seek balance not perfection in this process.

Give yourself and others grace to adjust as necessary.

Choose what is important to you for yourself even if you have to fight for it.

Fight for your boundaries if you have to.

Make time to reflect on what is important to you, and look for alignment between those two categories.

You are worth the work it will take you and other people to get this right. You are not too much, stuck up, sedity, or high and mighty. You are a human trying to have the most fullfilling human experience that you can.

Best of luck on your journey.