Life Hacks from Introverts

The western world is designed for extroverts. Navigating western society can be excruciating. Don’t believe me? Think about this. What is the way folks in an office usually socialize? You guessed it – a happy hour. What is the way to meet new people when you move to a new community? Sign up for some group activity where you silently audition people in your head. If kids are involved, there is the obligatory function that you must attend – a concert, a birthday party, a meeting. For an introvert all of these activities, or others like it, are generally met with dread.

While I hated the pandemic, it created shifts that finally favored introverts. Remote work became widely accepted; it was acceptable to have people keep their distance in public; declining invitations became understandable and expected to an extent; and people cut down or cut out large gatherings. As an introvert, I finally felt seen. Things I have been craving for most of my life became ‘normal’ – first and foremost – personal space. And don’t get me started with people not washing their hands, but I digress. Suffice it to say, it was not a great time for us collectively. Yes for me it was the first time I didn’t feel like an oddball for wanting to step back from the hustle and bustle of the world.

The daily grind of life is draining and during the years of the pandemic we were willing to admit that. We shouldn’t have to consume large amounts of coffee, wine, or weed just to get through our days. I think the pandemic taught us some lessons that we introverts have known for a while. Lessons that I think could help us all live more authentically. I think for the most part we know most of this stuff, but it takes courage to buck the extroverted norms of our society. So if whether you are an extrovert or an introvert who has been trying to survive as an extrovert or somewhere in the middle, consider the points below. If you have an introvert in your life, they can likely shed more nuanced light on the points below.

Declining an invitation is generally ok. One thing that was acceptable during the pandemic was to say no to an event for fear of contracting COVID. One lesson we can take as we begin to normalize COVID-19 is to center our well-being. Try treating your energy like a budget and planning how you will use it in advance. E.g. If you have to attend the obligatory large event, maybe balance that by planning self care time before and after the event to prepare and recuperate.

Having a bubble to ensure your safety makes sense. Another thing that was acceptable during the pandemic was socializing with a select group of trusted people dubbed a bubble. Introverts generally have a bubble and tend to spend most of their time in some configuration of those people. It’s not that we’re running around screaming ‘no new friends’, but we prefer who we prefer. For everyone else, there is nothing wrong with maintaining a bubble now that the world is returning to its extroverted patterns. You don’t have to exclusively socialize with the folks in your bubble, but it is good to have a core group of people that you trust and who will tell you the truth, kindly.

Time is precious, and should be cherished. The other thing that the pandemic taught us was to value our time. So many folks quit doing things that weren’t serving them, or started doing things that they had been putting off. I believe that the opportunity to make authentic connections is based on your own authenticity. What do you enjoy? What do you aspire to learn/do/be? What energizes you? I am sure someone somewhere has done the research, I haven’t in any formal way, but I have watched folks around me blossom when they became most comfortable with themselves. Instead of focusing on impressing and pleasing others, imagine how dope it would feel to be so comfortable with yourself that even your mistakes don’t bug you. It will probably either shrink or change your social circle but the folks in your new circle will be your ride or die people.

Wearing a mask all the time, whether literal or metaphorical, is hard!!!! One last thing that I think the pandemic taught us is that masks are uncomfortable. Sadly, we have become a society that demands masks. Celebrities must be perfect in every way – not just good at their craft. Filters and fiction are ever popular on social media because we feel pressured to enhance our natural faces, bodies, lives to be accepted. Mistakes whether past or present, first or habitual, are met with equal amounts of vitriol and intolerance – grace is rarely extended. And opinions, especially the unsolicited ones are offered incessantly and many times cruelly. So it is natural to reach for a mask so that we can protect ourselves, but are we comfortable?

How about this instead? Create your bubble, plan your energy, use your time to live authentically, and when you feel safe – maybe in your bubble – pull the mask down a bit. See how it feels. Observe who accepts you and who is willing to stay on the journey with you. Try removing the mask at different times and with different people. Try beginning again ‘post-pandemic’ by being more fully you.