Boundary Tramplers

This morning I was triggered by a boundary trampler. What is boundary trampler you ask? Glad you asked. A boundary trampler is someone who is aware of the boundaries you have set for yourself and chooses to ignore them. Boundary tramplers are generally folks who are close enough to you to be aware of your boundaries.

Every single one of my boundary tramplers have been folks I was in relationship with- friends, family, romantic partners. I can’t be certain but I don’t think my boundary trampler woke up this morning with the intention of trampling all over my boundaries around interpersonal communication. I think they were in emotional distress and word vomited all over me.

Here’s the thing, regardless of intent, it is a known rule that I won’t accept being spoken to the way they spoke to me. I wish I could say I handled it well. I did not. I was triggered and I reacted to the trigger. No excuses. I could have handled it better. Now I have to decide how to move forward. And that’s my stuff.

My poor reaction does not excuse the initial behavior. My boundary was trampled because someone was struggling with their own emotions. I empathize AND I will continue to hold them accountable for their behavior. I love this person and this incident won’t change that. And I love me and I won’t allow me to be treated like that. Boundaries with no accountability is just a hope. I can’t hope my way into better treatment.

I hope there is not a next time with this particular person. And the next time this boundary is trampled, I hope I can calmly say to the person that the way they are talking to me is unacceptable, and make them aware that I am ending the conversation before ending the call.

I hope….