December 2024

For years, I walked into predominantly white spaces where every part of me felt like it came with a “handle with care” warning label. I spoke a little softer, dressed a little “safer,” and kept parts of myself on mute—like I was some kind of corporate spy trying not to blow my cover. And don’t even get me started on how hard it was to honor my culture, which values community and respect for elders, in spaces that seem to scream, “It’s every person for themselves!” After a day of tiptoeing through that emotional minefield, I’d go home and try to scrape together enough joy to show up for my family. Some days, I nailed it. Other days? Let’s just say the couch saw more of me than it deserved. When Dr. Antoinette Candia Bailey tragically ended her own life this year, after years of writing about the hardships that Black women face in academia, it rocked me to my core. I have the same 9-5 she had and I felt that pain acutely. I had to do something, so I did what I do best, I wrote. I wrote about mental fitness. I wrote about the need for inner peace. I wrote about reclaiming joy. The result has been many blog posts and then the idea for Sacred Serenity was born. I wrote Sacred Serenity because I know for a fact I’m not the only one who’s been on this rollercoaster. I know because I see it my friends, co-workers, and community. Black and Latina/Hispanic women are consistently and specifically socialized to pour into everyone else—our families, our communities, our workplaces—until there’s nothing left. Rarely, if ever, are we told to pour into ourselves. And even when we try, guilt bursts into the room like a storm trooper telling us, “You could be doing more.” Am I wrong? This book is your permission slip to stop, breathe, and take care of YOU. Inside, you’ll find: Listen, Sacred Serenity isn’t just a book—it’s a vibe, a toolkit, and a long-overdue reminder that you are worthy of rest and joy. It’s the peace you’ve been craving, wrapped in pages that I hope feels like a warm hug from someone who gets it. And because self-love is contagious, don’t stop at just one copy. Gift one to your homegirl, your coworker, or even that friend who’s always doing the absolute most. I am not being dramatic when I say self-love could save someone’s life. It saved mine. And to be clear, this book boldly and unapologetically features the beauty and resilience of Black and Latina women. But don’t get tricked, its mental fitness gems and reminders to slow down are for anyone who could use a daily dose of love on yourself a little bit more. Sacred Serenity drops December 11. Trust me, this is the gift to yourself—and someone else—that keeps on giving. Let’s reclaim our peace and our power, one mental fitness step at a time. The book costs $19.99 and will be available on Amazon. This book is obviously not priced to create wealth, it is designed to create a necessary shift in the lives of Black and Brown women. Please support my mission to impact the lives of one million women and grab a copy.

Here’s a truth bomb for you: waiting for other people to validate your greatness is like waiting for weak Wi-Fi to connect during a Zoom call—you’ll be sitting there forever, frustrated, and buffering. Please stop. It’s time to quit refreshing the page and start walking in your brilliance. Breaking news: Your brilliance doesn’t need a stamp of approval to exist. You’ve got the sauce, the sparkle, and the stamina to shine, just as you are. When you stop waiting for validation, you’re not just freeing yourself—you’re rewriting the rules for everyone watching. But if I am being honest—stepping into your light isn’t always easy, especially when you’ve been conditioned to look outward for approval. The good news? You already have everything you need to validate yourself. And you know me, I’m not going to tell you to do something without telling you how. So here are five practical ways to stop waiting and start shining: 1. Understand Your Shine is Enough Let’s agree to this, you do NOT need anyone to nod in approval for you to glow. What are you an iPhone update that requires confirmation to proceed? Nope! Think about Beyoncé—do you think she pauses her day waiting for someone to tell her she’s amazing? Probably not. She probably has to pump herself up every day before she even picks up her phone. The bottom line is every one has an opinion, and solicited or not some of people are inclined to share without regard for how it makes the other person feel. So when you need a boost try doing a mirror talk. What is a mirror talk? Glad you asked. Activity: The Mirror TalkInstead of just saying affirmations, make saying them a whole performance. Stand in front of your mirror, strike a power pose (bonus points if it’s diva-style and ends with a finger snap), and say: “I am the main character, the plot twist, and the happy ending. Watch me thrive.” You might feel silly at first, but soon, you’ll start believing it—and honestly, it’s cheaper than therapy. But of course if mine is too over the top for you, draft your own. But the point is that you embody your power while saying it. 2. Stop Outsourcing Your Confidence Ok so can we also agree that handing over your self-worth to other people is like letting a stranger babysit your dream bag—risky and unnecessary. I would never do that, would you? Not my good bag that I paid my hard earned coins for. No sir. Well here’s the thing, waiting for your boss to compliment your work or your family to notice you’ve been thriving is just as unthinkable. Stop that. You don’t need other people to celebrate you, do it yourself. Example: Instead of waiting for someone else to recognize that you killed that presentation, throw yourself a “meeting MVP” party. Grab a cupcake, play your favorite hype song, and tell a friend, “Girl, I was on fire today!” Make celebrating yourself a reflex. You will feel so much better. I promise you. The point is tell yourself you did well when you do well. Don’t downplay your accomplishments. And if someone happens to tell you, you did well. Say, “Thank you.” Do Not Downplay your efforts.et’s keep it real 3. Flip the Script on Negative Self-Talk I know I am not the only one that has an internal troll living in my head that loves to pop up with shady commentary without being summoned. Internal thoughts like, “You’re not smart enough,” or “Who do you think you are?” can be attributed to my internal troll. But trolls belong under bridges, not in your head. So try this, serve them an eviction notice and replace them with something that better serves you. Activity: Give your inner critic a name (I told you I named mine) —and then invite them to rest. When that voice starts chirping, I respond like this: “Oh, Judy (that’s my judgy voice’s name) you’re back? Listen I need you to go sit down and let me handle this.” Then I take nine deep breaths to center myself, and say something to myself that I would say to my fourteen year old niece. And that shuts Judy right down. I deserve kindness and I find that turning my inner critic into a character not only makes it less intimidating but also lets me take control of the narrative. We all have some unhelpful commentary on our performance or personality rattling around in our heads. But just because you let it in, it doesn’t mean you have to let it take control. Tell it to be quiet, and talk nice to yourself. 4. Celebrate Without Apology I remember being told I was too loud, too much, too intimidating. And for a while when I was younger I tried to shrink myself to fit in. But the thing is, I am a jack in the box, I wasn’t designed to fit in, I was designed to stand out. So if someone told you to shrink yourself to make others comfortable, please return that bad advice to the sender. The truth is, your shine doesn’t take anything away from anyone else—it just makes the whole room brighter. So here’s what you can do instead. Every time, and I do mean every single time, you win, whether big or small, celebrate. Celebrations don’t have to be extravagant, so don’t use my blog as a reason for a shopping spree. Celebrations can be as small as a dance party or as large as a dinner party, but in the event that you didn’t catch the hint, the operative word is party. Celebrate you, you will feel so good and you won’t be sitting around waiting for anyone else’s approval. The truth is Dr. Seuss had it right, the people that mind don’t matter, and the people that matter don’t mind. Concrete Example: Got a promotion? Don’t just text your bestie—host a mini dance party