November 2024

Ladies, can we just take a collective sigh? Whew! We’ve made it through yet another political circus. The debates, the drama, the endless vicious language — it’s enough to make anyone want to crawl into bed with a tub of ice cream (non-dairy for me) and Netflix until further notice. But hold up, before you let the chaos steal your peace, let’s regroup and remember who we are: we are resilient, focused, and entirely too fabulous to let the noise shake us. Why Reducing Stress Matters More Than Ever Before we get into our tips, let’s get real about why this conversation is crucial. For Black and Brown women, chronic stress isn’t just a nuisance — it’s a health risk. The pressure we carry, from systemic racism to workplace microaggressions, can lead to serious health issues like heart disease, anxiety, depression, and even obesity. Research shows that prolonged exposure to stress affects our mental and physical well-being, shortening our lifespans and impacting our quality of life. Multiple women in my life are managing chronic illnesses and I know that stress doesn’t help any of them or me, so let’s get back to maintaining our peace. In our article “Saying No to Invisible Labor,” we talked about the importance of setting boundaries to protect our energy. And right now, with heightened emotions and political tensions, those boundaries are more important than ever. We can’t afford to let external chaos jeopardize our health. Another relevant piece, “When Loss Isn’t Death,” explored how to navigate feelings of disappointment and grief that aren’t tied to a physical loss. The political climate can bring about a similar emotional response, making it essential to acknowledge and process these feelings rather than suppress them. So how do you process those feelings. Glad you asked because your health could very well depend on it. 1. Limit Your Political Doomscrolling (Seriously, Put the Phone Down) Let’s be real: the 24/7 news cycle is like a nosy neighbor who always has something to say — and it’s rarely good. The constant updates will have you feeling like the sky is falling every 10 minutes. Pro tip: You don’t need to check the news every time your phone buzzes. Instead, set a designated time for updates (and give yourself a hard stop when you’ve had enough). Trust me, those opinions and talking heads will still be there tomorrow, but your sanity might not be if you keep scrolling. Post the election I have literally limited my intake of the news. Instead I have been catching up on audiobooks and focusing on accomplishing my goals. Try This: When you catch yourself deep in a social media spiral, take a break and do something that grounds you. Whether it’s blasting your favorite song (cue my Gospel playlist) or taking a walk outside, you’ll feel the shift immediately. 2. Navigating Conversations with Folks Who Voted Differently Real talk ,you’re probably going to cross paths with someone who voted for the other side, whether it’s at the office, the family cookout, or during a casual chat at your favorite café. Here’s the deal: we can’t control how others think, but we can control how we respond. Concrete Tips: 3. Remember: Your Auntie’s Hot Takes Are Not Policy Listen, we all have that relative who suddenly turns into a CNN commentator post-election. They’ve got opinions, and if you know like I know, they will share them — whether you asked or not. If this is your reality, here is an option, smile, nod, and then take a step back. Because here’s the tea: the daily chatter might be loud, but it’s just that — chatter. Don’t let the noise distract you from your goals. Whether it’s your career, your wellness journey, or that side hustle you’ve been nurturing, stay focused. The best clapback to the chaos? Living your life with clarity and joy. Try This: Politely change the topic or simply say, “I’m trying to stay solutions-focused right now. Let’s talk about something that lifts us up!” And if that doesn’t work, a quick exit strategy never hurts. Blame the Wi-Fi connection, go to the bathroom, or excuse yourself to take care of something and that really long to do list and keep it moving! 4. Get Back to Your Self-Care Non-Negotiables It’s easy to let the stress of political outcomes sneak up on us, causing sleepless nights and frayed nerves. But sis, that’s not our portion. It’s time to double down on your self-care. Remember those practices that kept you grounded before? Now is the time to pull them out of the toolbox. You need them now more than ever. Meditation, journaling (or video journaling for my non-writers), bubble baths, dance breaks, walks in the sunshine, focusing on a hobby — whatever your self-care jam is, do it like it’s your job.I started an herb garden and right now my basil is sprouting. That and my kickboxing are keeping my joy factor high. Try This: Create a quick self-care checklist. Make sure it includes at least three activities that help you reconnect with yourself. Need ideas? Here’s a starter pack: dance like no one’s watching, unplug for an hour, and call a friend who makes you belly laugh. 5. Lean on Your Circle (We’re Stronger Together) Let’s not do this alone, okay? Healing and resilience are team sports. It’s time to reach out to your crew — your besties, your work squad, that cousin who knows just how to make you laugh-cry. Set up a virtual brunch, schedule a group FaceTime, or just send a voice note to remind them (and yourself) that you’re in this together. The love and support from your community will keep you grounded and remind you that we are more than any political season. This week I had the opportunity to be in community with amazing women who worked together to shift their moods and their atmosphere. Try This: Start a group chat with a purpose. Instead of debating

A Guide for Black Women In the recent US presidential election, democrats won in states in different regions of the country where Kamala Harris lost, while they upheld the same policies. For me the only difference is her race and as a Black woman this has affirmed a few things for me. One, no one is coming to save me and I must do it myself. Two, Black women continue to be held to an unbelievably high standard while simultaneously met with little and often no care. Three, I will no longer sacrifice myself and my needs, instead I will focus on providing myself the level of care I deserve. So this post is specifically about women who look like me. I think there is value for all women because invisible work is generally the condition of all women. But this post is dedicated to Black women because that is the experience I know and can speak to with authority. Black women suffer from a quiet epidemic that is not discussed or recognized. It is the invisible labor that Black women carry every single day. It’s the unpaid, unrecognized work we do to keep our families, communities, and workplaces running. This kind of labor doesn’t come with a paycheck or a thank you, but it takes up space in our minds and drains our energy. Today, we’re breaking down why it’s time to say no to this invisible work and how you can start reclaiming your time and prioritizing rest. Because, sis, we deserve better. What Is Invisible Labor? Invisible labor is all the work you do that no one notices or acknowledges. It’s the small tasks you handle automatically, the emotional support you provide without question, and the extra responsibilities you take on because it’s just expected. For Black women, it’s compounded by cultural expectations and the “strong Black woman” trope. We’ve been conditioned to be caretakers, problem-solvers, and peacemakers, but at what cost? Examples of invisible labor include: This kind of labor is exhausting, and it’s time we start calling it out for what it is: unpaid work that drains our energy and takes away from the things we want (and need) to do for ourselves. Why Do We Keep Taking It On? Let’s be real: saying no is hard. We’ve been taught to put everyone else first, to be selfless and strong. The “strong Black woman” narrative runs deep—it’s in our culture, it’s what we’ve seen our mothers and grandmothers do, and it’s what’s expected of us. But here’s the thing: strength isn’t about taking on more than you can handle. Real strength is knowing your limits and setting boundaries before you hit them. We keep taking on invisible labor because: It’s time to flip the script. We deserve a life that isn’t just about surviving but thriving, and that starts with saying no. The High Cost of Invisible Labor When we keep taking on invisible work, it doesn’t just affect our time—it affects our health, our relationships, and our overall well-being. Constantly carrying the weight of everyone else’s needs can lead to: The cost is too high, and it’s not worth sacrificing your well-being for the sake of maintaining an image or meeting expectations that were never yours to begin with. How to Say No to Invisible Labor and Reclaim Your Time 1. Recognize the Invisible Work You’re DoingTake a moment to list all the little tasks and responsibilities you’ve taken on this week. I’m talking about everything—from sending that reminder email at work that wasn’t your job to planning family dinners. Seeing it all laid out will help you realize just how much extra labor you’ve been doing without acknowledgment. I remember my male manager once telling me that I didn’t take initiative when I had quietly picked up all the work he was not doing. 2. Set Boundaries and Stick to ThemThe word “no” is a complete sentence. You don’t have to justify it or explain it away. I do recommend saying it matter of factly and repeating it often. I wrote a whole post about how to do that on .Start small if you need to: “No, I can’t take on that project.” “No, I’m not available to help with this event.” The more you practice, the easier it gets. Remember, setting boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s self-preservation. If you think of your energy as an account that needs deposits to balance every withdrawal. For every time you choose to invest your energy, you have to balance that with a deposit. 3. Delegate, Delegate, DelegateIf you’re used to handling everything yourself, delegating can feel foreign. But trust me, it’s time to start sharing the load. Whether it’s at home, at work, or in community settings, find tasks that you can pass on to others whether by outsourcing or bartering. You don’t have to do it all. There are laundry services, food delivery services, home cleaning services you literally can outsource some of this stuff. I grew up in a culture where having help in the home for women who worked outside of the home was normalized. Trying to do it all is completely foreign to me and I thoroughly reject it. I would rather not go to brunch every week or buy a new bag and pay for some one to clean the house. It brings me joy. 4. Reframe Your Idea of StrengthStrength doesn’t mean handling everything on your own. It means knowing when to rest, when to ask for help, and when to say no. Let go of the idea that your worth is tied to your productivity or your ability to carry everyone’s burdens. That is a lie that we have been fed and we continue to buy in to. The bottom line is that the more we carry, the more people will expect us to carry. They are being selfish, we are being martyrs. And our bodies aren’t built for that and it results in disease, depression and a